Starring: Vin Diesel, Colm Feore, Keith David,  Karl Urban, Thandie Newton, Judi Dench    Written by: Jim & Ken Wheat, David Twohy    Directed by: David Twohy

The Story:

To my recollection, the first time I ever saw Vin Diesel was in the movie Pitch Black. I thought his character in that movie, Richard B. Riddick was cool as hell. Riddick was a convicted killer, he had his eyes "shined" so he could see in the dark and he was cold and ruthless. Yet he had an internal moral code, despite his homicidal actions. In the context of Pitch Black, Riddick was both heroic and villainous, scary yet trustworthy. The thing that makes this sequel a bit clunky is Pitch Black wasn't set up to have a sequel. So I can imagine that when the green light was given to build a movie around that character as a sequel, the writers had to come up with a back story and a plausible reason for Riddick to become an action hero.

Yep, that's what they were going for here, droogies, make no mistake. A franchise. I don't have a problem with that. We need more action hero franchises. And Vin Diesel has been in a few movies as the tough hero so its only natural that he'd take a shot at turning his most popular character to date into a cinema franchise. My biggest peeve with this movie is that Riddick is practically invincible in it, and his back-story is about as fresh and interesting as stale bread.

Its the far flung future, and a new threat comes to eradicate the colonies of mankind in space. The Necromongers, led by the Grand Marshal are going from world to world, forcing the inhabitants to convert to their religion or be killed. What is their religion? Well, I'm not sure. We're told that the Grand Marshal once traveled to the Underverse and came back half dead and half alive....thus he has superpowers somehow. With his army of converts he goes around trying to convert everyone else since I guess the Underverse is supposed to be better than our plain old universe. (I never did see why  anyone would think so.) These guys function like interstellar Jehovah Witnesses with a mean streak. The come a knockin' and instead of waking you up first thing in the morning on Saturday and trying to sell you the Watch Tower, they  just blow up all of your [unwrite] and force you to join them or get vaporized. Imam, the holy man from Pitch Black knows that his colony on Helion Prime is next and with the advice of Aereon, an elemental being (Dame Judi Dench! M from the newer Bond flicks) they seek out Riddick for help. First they piss Riddick off....he's still a wanted man, so the only way to find him is to sic bounty hunter Toombs on him. Secondly....why do they think Riddick is the only man capable of stopping this army of crazy storm trooping death worshippers? Ok, this is the part I hate....because Riddick is THE CHOSEN ONE!

Damn it, I am sick of Chosen Ones, and "he who was prophesied ones" and "the last of the whatever the f*** ones". Sick of it! Its been done to death. That's what really irks me about Riddick's back story. In the first movie he was just a really tough, slightly homicidal, antisocial killer. Now all of a sudden he's the Last of the Furyans. Good Gravy, they made sure they put an extra tap on the stake they drove into the heart of originality with that name, too. He's from Furya? Right. Why didn't they just quit trying to be subtle and name his home planet "Bad-assia" or "Homicidica"? And he's the last of 'em, huh? God, my head hurts. It seems that before the Grand Marshal become all dead and stuff  he was a warrior that attacked Riddick's world because a prophecy said that a male child from that world would destroy him. So he killed all of the boys, even strangling some with their birth cords....the movies words not mine...to secure his own future. What is this guy, the Pharaoh? So not only is Riddick the Chosen One and the Last of One, he's the One from the Prophecy....screw the stake in the heart...they just cremated originality.

To make it a little harder to swallow they also had to give Riddick some unexplained powers. Surrounded by  Necromonger Lord Vaako (Karl Urban from Lord of the Rings The Two Towers and return of the King) and his soldiers, Riddick is almost beaten unconscious, but since he's the last of the Ass-Kickians he has the combined rage of his world or something so he lets out an energy burst that knocks everyone out. I am really hoping that the Wheats know how uncool that was. I wasn't sitting here looking at the screen going "Wow! Riddick kicks ass!" I was sitting here scratching my head going "What the hell!? Why?! WHY?!!".

Visually, TCoR looks good. The Necromonger Grand Marshall has a dumbass helmet, but other than that the sets and costumes look pretty wicked. But looking good and actually being good are two different things. The movie I think suffers from the fact it was trying to be a summer blockbuster. That happens to way too many movies nowadays (like Van Helsing). so much attention is put into making everything look super duper badass cool and constructing elaborate "They'll be talking about this all through August" scenes that the story, characters and plot get lost along the way. I'm not going to spoil the end of the movie for you but the way it ended made me wonder why they called it "The Chronicles of Riddick". That kind of implies that there is more to the adventures of Riddick to come, but I don't see how. Hey, maybe I'm wrong and the writers have a great idea for a sequel to this flick. (That will probably never happen anyway). Now I realize that I have never written or directed a movie, and I probably couldn't do better, but I wish they had taken Riddick in a different direction. The sub plot of Riddick rescuing Jack...the girl-dressed-as-a-boy  in Pitch Black from a prison planet could have been a decent movie in itself. Its a no brainer that they expected this flick to generate a big cash cow franchise, hell, they even released a video game about Riddick "Escape from Butcher Bay", which I might have to try out one day. I'm bettin g it has a plot a can get into.

Its too bad. I like Vin Diesel...I really do. He's not the greatest actor in the world, but neither was Arnold Schwarzenegger or Stallone. But thespian skills aren't why we see action movies. We want to see the heroes clobber the bad guys.

Best Lines: "If I owned this place and Hell, I'd rent this place out and live in Hell." - Toombs talking about the prison planet, Crematoria. (Boy they didn't stretch the imagination coming up with names in this movie)

"I'll kill you with my teacup." - Riddick just before he kills a guy with a teacup.

 Are you kidding me?

1.) Well, I guess the designers of Toombs spaceship went to the Star Wars school of spaceship engineering. Check it out, remember those stupid ass walking tank things in The Empire Strikes Back, or the two legged walking tank things in Return of the Jedi? Who in their right mind would build a vehicle like that? Its impractical, its silly looking and its ridiculously easy for any foes with a grain of common sense to disable. Well, Toombs spaceship is designed with stupidity in mind. The gunners have to position themselves outside of the ship, held in place by leather straps! (So Riddick can easily cut them loose!) It doesn't even look cool, it looks stupid, and it makes absolutely no sense.

2.) Perhaps I could appreciate the Grand Marshal as a threat if his Necromonger religion was explained a little better. When his henchmen tell the citizens of Helion Prime to convert the description of their religion sounds like they made it up on the fly. Scientology sounds more plausible then the UnderVerse.

3.) Lord Vaako and his wife scheme to snatch power from the Grand Marshal in a subplot that ultimately goes nowhere. Of course this is the directors cut that I watched so I don't know if this is as prominent in the theatrical version. But it does make me wonder if they had a sequel in mind wrapping that up in some fashion.

4.) Helion Prime citizens sure can flip flop fast! When the Necromongers demand that they convert they all steadfastly refuse. But as soon as the Grand Marshal kills one of them they all start bowing! Really, didn't they have any convictions? Did they think that if they just said "No, we ain't converting. Get lost." that the Necromongers would say "Okey-Dokey. We're outta here."? They must have expected to be killed or tortured when they refused. These guys just attacked your planet, you cretins! Its blatantly obvious that they mean business!

5.) How did Jack learn how to be such a skilled assassin? In Pitch Black she was an Islamic disciple. All of a sudden she's a murdering crazy bitch! Because of Riddick? I never did get their relationship.....she looked up to him because he saved her and Imam in Pitch Black but he's not a cuddly friendly guy.

6.) Riddick has some concrete balls. He could have escaped Helion Prime but he faces the Grand Marshal and his chief assassin just because they killed Imam. He must have known right then that he'd be captured if he went into their stronghold. Personally I think he's just nuts.

Nudity and Sex: None.

Huh?:

Imam says that the Necromongers are preceded by a comet. The people of Helion Prime know they are coming. They can see the comet. (Which is really the Necromonger fleet approaching) Yet no one does anything about it. The defense forces of Helion Prime don't react until the Necromongers are literally landing on the planet. But if they knew the bad guys were coming why didn't they attack them in space before the villains had a chance to land? Even if they lost it might give the citizens time to escape or dig in for a defense. Hell, they were so dumb in allowing the Necromongers to even enter the atmosphere they deserved to be conquered!

Exactly how did Toombs escape the frozen planet Riddick stranded him on? Yeah, he says his own ship had a tracking device, but Riddick stole his ship! I can buy that he may have had a transmitter on his person to summon help, but he could have at least had a line saying so.

Aereon says to fight the evil of the necromongers they need to use a different kind of evil...Riddick. That's one of the first things said in the movie and it was a line in the trailers before the flick came out. Sounds pretty cool, but Riddick doesn't seem as evil as he could be in this movie. He doesn't even seem as homicidal as you would think. Yeah, he kills a lot of people, but he only kills people that are attacking him or his friends. Somehow that makes him seem morally challenged maybe, but not evil, per se.

I thought 700 degrees was really hot. Its hot enough to roast anyone but Riddick in a few seconds apparently. Geez, I don't even think my oven can get up to 700 degrees.

Speaking of hot, I like the way Riddick risks his ass to save Jack from being cooked alive but the guy that's with her...well, I guess Riddick thought "F*** him." because he doesn't even attempt to save him. And yes, he roasts in a nanosecond.

The Final Judgment: Its not as bad as people might have told you it was. The Chronicles of Riddick gets 2 devil heads from the Infernal Demons. It could have been better, but it was a lot more interesting than Van Helsing. Still, I think Pitch Black was a better movie and it was no where near as elaborate as this one. Just goes to show you that big budgets and mega effects do not a great movie make. If Riddick ever returns to the screen I just hope its in a better movie.