THE STORY: This is one of the most entertaining bad movies I have seen in a long time. I expected it to be cheap and badly acted, but it was more than that. Oh, much more.

Susan, a young, beautiful widow is with her real estate agent, Cecil. They're driving out to the boonies so Cecil can show Susan some property she's interested in. Unbeknownst to them, a vicious gang of drug dealers, led by a big guy named Mongo ( "Mongo like candy" ) are in the area. They don't want anyone around since they have set up a drug making lab in a ranch house. Even though it would probably have been simpler to not let their presence be known, they run Cecil and Susan off of the road. Cecil frees himself from the wrecked car first and promises to get help for Susan. Actually Cecil is the most chicken[unwrite] guy I can imagine. He runs away leaving Susan in the car while she's screaming "Cecil! Get me out of here!". Susan isn't injured, she's just stuck. She eventually frees herself. Cecil on the other hand is captured by one of Mongo's henchmen and killed. Susan believes she's found help when she comes up onto a farmhouse, but its actually the bad guys headquarters.

Here's where I thought the movie was going to be kind of like "I Spit on Your Grave". Susan is captured, beaten up and almost raped. She escapes, injures one of her pursuers and captured again. Mongo and his men tie her up again and mistreat her. But she escapes again! This is where the bulk of the movie starts. Susan just can't get a break. Even when she's rescued by some idiotic teens on the side of the road, the boys just want to rape her. They don't get the chance. Mongo's thugs kill them in what has got to be the silliest part of the flick. These guys just whacked three teenage boys and yet they don't kill Susan straight away. Its as if the director realized that the movie wasn't going anywhere and just started making things up. They await the arrival of Mongo on the scene. (Mongo puts on a spiked head dress every so often...I guess its to make him look really mean, but the effect is to only make the movie sillier.) When Mongo does arrive Susan alluva sudden develops Spider-Man powers. The gang have her surrounded and she's on top of the teenager's car. She then walks across the heads of the assembled criminals, does a flip to the ground, taunts them and runs away. You have to actually see this to appreciate how silly it looks. Luckily it was so crazy-looking I laughed out loud. Susan manages to find another car, a police vehicle. The thugs have killed the sheriff and stolen it, but she manages to distract them and take the car. Still, even with a car she can't really escape! Finally, while still eluding her captors she manages to hide out in an abandoned barn.

Ok, we can all wonder why NO ONE has come to the area looking for Cecil, Susan or the now dead sheriff. After all, both Cecil's car and the police car are wrecked on the sides of the road. (not to mention the three teenagers who must have a family wondering where they are.) But that's not the ludicrous part. This barn that Susan is in has a plethora of old rusting equipment. (Why is it that abandoned barns and farmhouse always have still useful items left in them?) Susan not only sharpens the two rusty, dirty axes she finds, she polishes them to a high shine! Pulling a B.A. Baracus, she makes a load of weapons and heads back to the bad guys ranch.

If you're still watching it this far, it gets funnier. Somehow Susan has acquired the ability to throw axes and nails with the skill of a ninja master! She even has a whip which she uses to...and get this...snatch her thrown axes out of the chests of her targets and pull them back! Yes, this woman who through the first half of the movie couldn't fight her way out of wet toilet paper, all of a sudden becomes a femme fatale that would give Catwoman a run for her money! Using her newfound superpowers Susan starts knocking off the crooks with relative ease. I have to wonder though, if she was so damned bad why didn't she start kicking ass from day one? The only female member of the gang gets knocked out when Susan hits her during the first twenty minutes of the flick. I assume that Susan killed her with one punch since she doesn't come back later in the movie.

I especially got a kick out of the final battle. Mongo ought to have been dead anyway, but he gets his one last shot to kill Susan like most movie villains. Susan chops his head off with an axe and then raises her hands in the air and screams "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!". I expected lightning and stuff to hit her with the quickening while she exclaimed "There can be only one!". With her enemies dead at her feet, Susan takes the drug money and runs cheering into the sunset.

This movie was a hoot! Yep, it was bad, but it was hilarious! Susan was played by Debra Sweaney, who isn't too great at acting, but she is hot looking in her fighting gear. Mongo was Brian Oldfield. He looks disturbingly like a young Peter Boyle.

Best Lines: "I'm one bad bitch...DON'T [unwrite] WITH ME!"- The Drug Slut chick, Star, to Susan during their fight.

"Ballet...six months."- Susan after she defeats a creep that brags about having 15 years experience in the martial arts.

"She's pissed, she's going to do us all!"- Georgie, clearly frightened about Susan's newfound skills in killing.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Talk about a bad day...After Susan crawls out of the wrecked car she hides in the bushes from Mongo and his cronies. Just then a tarantula and a snake crawl on her! What are the odds on having a psycho drug dealer, a tarantula and a snake just spontaneously show up at once to ruin your day? Susan must have angered all the wrong Gods that morning.

2.) What the blazes? Susan talks the stupid-ass thug into untying her hands. ("Untie my hands and I'll really show you how to make love") She convinces him that she can't escape because her feet would still be tied and says "You're much stronger than I." Of course the idiot does it and she kills him with a nail. But what makes this scene truly bad is not the lackluster acting, but the fact that its pitch black outside when he unties her, but after the thug is dead and she's untying her feet its broad daylight! What did she do? Take all night to untie herself?!

3.) Mongo must have got his words mixed up. He tells his henchmen to recapture Susan with "I'll pay $5000 if you bring her back alive....$10,000 if she's dead!" Gosh, Mongo, how do you think she's gonna be if they do bring her back?

4.) This movie alternates between kind of making sense to the realms of cartoon like situations. Two thugs attempt to stop Susan from escaping in the Sheriff's car by shooting the tires. (Why they didn't just shoot her I don't know) Amazingly, Terk, the really annoying cretin is a crack shot! He hits the tires as Susan speeds past him. I was shocked! But guess what? Susan still doesn't stop! I could hardly believe that she had the common sense to just keep driving, especially in the scene just before she runs over one of her attackers in the same car, yet stops to see if he's alright.

NUDITY AND SEX:  Susan is fondled, but no nudity is shown.

HUH?:  There are times in movies like this when you have to wonder if the victim really wants to escape. Susan escapes but is barefoot. She has managed to get her shoes back but the thugs are chasing her. Considering the fact that they will most likely rape and kill her if the catch her again you would think she'd be willing to run over burning hot coals to get away. But she STOPS to put her shoes on with the bad guys only twenty or thirty meters behind her! FUNK DAT! If I were her I wouldn't stop unless those shoes had jets built into the soles, or they were secretly the Thousand League boots or something.

DAMN! Not only does Susan make her own weapons out of the junk she finds in the abandoned barn, she also manages to get her hair done! Its freaking perfect! That's more incredible than her making weapons since she's been beaten, recaptured, on the run and living in the wilderness for at least three days! Maybe its Maybeline!

THE TALLY: You have got to see this movie if you love b-movies...especially bad b-movies. The part where Susan starts throwing nails into her opponent is worth a dollar rental! The demons of the Inferno are pleased...as a matter of fact, they're still laughing.