THE STORY: EGAD! This movie was bad. I don't mean bad like funny haha. I mean bad like getting a sharp pointy stick in the eye. I can sum it all up in the premise. It was just plain stupid. It might sound good for a millisecond, but if you ever see this flick, you'll know what I mean. The whole idea is that some rich bastard's daughter is working for the UN or the red Cross or something in Vietnam. Her plane crashes and she's captured by some evil Vietnam warlord dude named Vihn Moe or something. I'll just call him Moe, which is fitting since his army is made of the 100 stooges. Anyway the rich guy wants his daughter back so he hires Major Tolliver, a retired special forces guy that works at a juvenile prison now. You can tell Tolliver is ex-special forces because its Michael Dudikoff! Ol' Mike is always an ex-military bad ass in his movies! Of course Tolliver needs troops so what does he do to get them? He brings a group of the idiotic, untrained, undisciplined and violent inmates with him. Right.

Okay, this is nothing new. Hell, its the same formula used in the Dirty Dozen. But at least the Dirty Dozen's inmates were military prisoners. These lame-o's that Tolliver picks are sociopaths! Two of them at least are clearly psychotic. The others aren't exactly shining examples of human beings either. So now you see what I mean about the premise. Its ridiculous. What seasoned combat veteran would want these goons in his squad? They can't get along and actually want to kill each other. I'm telling you, as I watched this movie unfold before me I couldn't help but think the scriptwriter must have been mad. The producer must have been mad also. The actors probably needed the work, but they still must have had some screws loose.

There are so many stupid parts in this movie I'll wait before I get into them. But just so you'll have a scorecard on who's who, these are the misfits that Major Tolliver picks:

Lamb- There has to be at least one good kid and its Lamb. He was in prison for killing his parents but he says he didn't do it. He probably didn't. So what. That doesn't make him a soldier. It just makes him someone that hired a [unwrite]ty lawyer.

Vasquez- There also has to be a female. Its Vasquez. Unfortunately its not the Vasquez from Aliens. Its just some Mexican chick, who, naturally is as tough as the guys but still incredibly hot looking.

Monster- Clearly insane. A big black guy that has been in jail for rape and murder before he was 15! I'm not kidding about his being insane either. He is without a doubt "nuts". He attacks Vasquez a few times and all he talks about is raping and killing. Yeah, I really want to give this guy a weapon.

Lopez- Nothing new here. Just a crazy Latino gang member. Lopez killed a guy in the prison yard mere minutes before Tolliver accepts the job of going to Vietnam. Uh, Tolliver...he just killed a guy in cold blood! Do you really want him with you?

Butts- A black gang member. Like you probably expect, butts isn't very smart. But the most annoying thing about him is that he uses the N-word in every sentence! He may be okay in a fight but he's still worthless as a person.

Brophy- A neo nazi skinhead. Oh goodie. Yeah, I expect him to get along like gangbusters with the almost entirely minority squad. Good choice, Tolliver. He'll surely be a valued member of the squad.

Moe, the bad guy was played by Cary Tagawa. No one else is worth mention.

Best Lines: "Moooonsterrrrrrr!"- Tolliver cries out as Monster gets killed.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Tolliver has to train the inmates if they're going to be successful in rescuing the rich chick from Moe. But he waits until they're dropped off in the jungles of Vietnam at a ramshackle base camp to do it. What the [unwrite]? Why not train them back in the USA before you take them to 'nam? That way if anyone washes out you can get a replacement. Plus, why would Tolliver want to be alone in the jungle with these cretins and give them weapons? Death wish?

2.) The rich bastard. If he's so [unwrite]ing rich why doesn't he hire actual mercenaries for this job? If your daughter were being held by a crazed Vietnamese army guy and you were blind stinking rich would you hire one ex soldier and a bunch of kids in a jail to rescue her?

3.) During their trek through the jungle the squad stops in a town...and they have beer and hookers to play with. Um...Tolliver is supposed to be a good commander? You know, I'm no combat expert, but I wouldn't be getting drunk and laid with these morons in this town. Predictably Moe and his army of stooges show up and capture Brophy. Keep that in mind because its going to come up again....

4.) I've said it before and I'll be saying again I'm sure...but I am sick of people holding guns sideways when firing. You can't actually aim at anything doing that especially with an M16! Hell, Tolliver and his gang shoot from the hip all of the time with an M16 on full auto. (They must be M16A1's since the M16A2's don't fire on full auto, but burst.) Tolliver should know better.

5.) I'm not going to harp on the uniforms since Tolliver is not active duty and his squad aren't either. But I will ask why he even allows Butts to wear that white T-[unwrite] with the camouflage shirt open while travelling in the jungle. Gee, don't you think the bad guys might see that? For that matter why aren't Tolliver and his squad wearing camouflage makeup? Its cheap...you can get it at an Army-Navy store for peanuts! Moe actually puts on some camo-during the big fight at the end of the movie. I don't mean before the fight starts either....he's putting it on as his men are battling outside! Some leader! Why bother to put on makeup now? You're under attack, you imbecile!

NUDITY AND SEX:  None...Monster tries to rape a hooker and I can't remember if she shows any real skin. I was too busy groaning.

HUH?:  Tolliver and crew land by chopper in the jungle. Tolliver tells the pilot to be back to get them in three days and if they aren't there they ain't coming back. Then he begins the training of his idiotic choice of soldiers. (incidentally, the inmates start fighting amongst themselves as soon as they hit the ground...again, why didn't the rich bastard hire professional mercenaries?) But wait...if they only have three days to go through the jungle to Moe's base and rescue the rich bastard's daughter that means Tolliver has to train these screw ups in a matter of hours! (and by the scenes we see the training lasts at least two days, but it takes them that long to get to the town so how can the chopper pilot show up at the end when it must have at least been a week past...oh, forget it...) Now think about this folks...army basic training is 8 weeks long....if you cut out the non-combat related stuff you can probably make it about 6 weeks. Maybe. But still, these idiots have to learn at least the basic skills of soldier/combat stuff. Like map reading. Apparently Tolliver is the only one of them that can actually read a military map correctly and use a compass to shoot an azimuth. Maybe he didn't bother to train these guys on that, but geez, what if Tolliver gets killed? What if one or some of them get lost in the jungle? Or howzabout basic rifle marksmanship...well, he obviously on taught them point it and shoot 'cuz they don't bother to aim, or even assume any kind of firing position. (yet they defeat Moe's soldiers who by default must know a ton of combat stuff...go figure) The "Soldier Boyz" didn't learn anything about cleaning the M16 or what to do if it jams. (and trust me...an M16 will jam if used continuously without maintenance) The squad has never been on a road march yet we're to believe they can hike through an unfamiliar jungle with full rucksacks for miles in a matter of a day or so? Are you kidding me? There's a reason they train real soldiers for this stuff! I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I toldja we'd get back to this...Brophy gets captured by Moe in the town the squad stops in. Moe has a whole bunch of soldiers with him and he threatens to kill Brophy if they good guys don't come out of the building they're hiding in. Tolliver's decision is   basically "[unwrite] Brophy. Lets get out of here." He's right, too. but the others refuse. They say they have to rescue Brophy even though they're outnumbered at least three to one. Tolliver changes his mind and they rescue Brophy. I ain't buying it. Brophy doesn't even LIKE any of them and he's said it before. He doesn't like blacks, Latinos or Jews. (Butts, Monster, Vasquez, Lopez  and Lamb all fit those categories.) I suppose its meant to be uplifting that the others want to rescue him despite of this, but its unrealistic. Of course, its unrealistic that they manage to save him too, even though Lopez and Monster buy it during the firefight.

Speaking of things that are meant to be uplifting, Monster gets killed rescuing a wounded Vasquez. Boy, these guys change their minds fast. All through the movie Monster has tried to rape Vasquez and she's fought him at least twice...I mean a real fight too, and threatened to shoot him only a day before...while holding a shotgun an inch from his head! Yet he risks his life to save hers! Maybe a normal person might have done so, but Monster is a depraved, sociopathic, homicidal sex maniac!

I laughed out loud at this. After rescuing the Rich bastard's daughter the group has to escape Moe's base. Under heavy fire Tolliver asks Butts if he can hot-wire the HUMMV their hiding behind. Butts says he can try and we see him doing the usual hot-wire thing with wires and all that...only a HUMMV doesn't have to be hot-wired. There's a big [unwrite]ing button on the dashboard that says "START". I'm dead serious. You just push the button to start it. There's no keys or anything needed (unless the steering wheel is chained.)

THE TALLY: Save yourself some pain. This movie was incredibly stupid. I mean, really stupid. Watch it only if you want to induce vomiting or if you're tough enough to stand it, you might get a few chuckles. but other than that its a big waste...a really big waste...and thus...

The crimes of this movie are many! Too many to be listed! Therefore it shall be assigned to clean the latrines of the Devil's barracks for all eternity! The soldier Boyz shall scrub the crust infested toilets until time out of mind!

At the end of the tape there was an announcement from HBO home video saying that if you didn't enjoy this movie you can write to them and receive a refund of up to $2.50! Make of that what you will.