THE STORY: The most interesting and best part of this movie was the stock footage of the space shuttle lifting off. Seriously. I recall a time when I was in college, back in the early eighties. I was at a bus stop in Baltimore when an airplane flew overhead with the Space Shuttle on its back. (if you're old enough you'll recall that's how they used to transport the shuttle around) There were several pre-teenage kids and an older middle-aged businessman there. The older gnetleman pointed at it and said to the kids "Look! the space shuttle! Isn't that a sight! Kids! Look! That's a marvelous piece of technology! Look!" He was clearly in awe of it, and I admit, so was I. But the kids all but ignored him and muttered "Oh, big deal!", and "So what!?"...obviously discussing what happened on Thundercats that afternoon was more important to them. The man looked at me and said "Now, that's sad.". I nodded in agreement. Truth be told, we're all like that nowadays, aren't we? A shuttle lift off barely makes the news anymore. Its not like its gotten any easier, people just aren't interested.

That has nothing to do with this movie, however. Not that this movie is more interesting than that little story. Trust me, if you see this movie you'll probably agree that my little trip down memory lane is a better tale. Its not that the premise is bad....if it was written better this flick may have been pretty good.

Scientists aboard the space station, Scorpio One have discovered the secret to Cold fusion. But an unscrupulous Senator, Treadwell, is determined to steal it. His agent aboard the shuttle tries to sabotage the station and steal the disk with the information, but he only manages to kill himself and everyone else on board. CIA director Parlow sends his best agent, Jared Stone and a team of Army Rangers to go to the station and recover the disk. The shuttle they take up there is commanded by Commander Wilson. The pilot is named Shannon Brey. Also there's Carter and Hutton on the shuttle crew.

As the shuttle lifts off, Parlow and his aide, Gibson are trying to get some proof that Treadwell is behind the problems on Scorpio One. Parlow sends CIA agent Green and Gibson to find evidence of Treadwells badness at March Ocean Industries. Treadwell's got some shady dealings with them. While sneaking in there though, security guards attack and only Gibson makes it out. But she does get the information. A little too late for Stone.

It seems that Treadwell has bribed the Army Ranger team to steal the disk from Scorpio One. Hutton is in on this too. Stone seems to know there's a traitor on board the crew, but he calmly tells Commander Wilson this fact and says his plan is to wait the traitor out. What a stupid [unwrite]ing plan! It doesn't help that the entire movie is riddled with the most uninspired dialogue and wooden characters I have ever seen. Characters on Scooby-Doo show more emotion.

Various pointless characters die aboard the station. On Earth, Parlow himself kills Treadwell when he and his agents go to arrest him. Stone manages to safeguard the disk and Wilson, Brey and Carter engineer a way to escape the station when Hutton takes the damaged shuttle stranding them. (of course, Hutton dies in reentry, being a pointless and stupid bad guy.)

Once on Earth again, Stone meets with Parlow and Gibson to turn over the disk...and the tables. Gibson rightly suspected that Parlow wanted the disk so he could use the secret of cold fusion for personal gain. She secretly contacted the Pentagon and Stone and put the secret on the internet. (RIGHT!---that is so unrealistic they might as well have threw some aliens in the mix.) Exposed, Parlow takes his own life.

If any of that sounds interesting to you I'm taking credit for it. Because it has to be my writing. The movie certainly wasn't. Jeff Speakman plays Stone. (in the movie and figuratively) He has little dialogue and when he does open his mouth its with such stiff acting that I began to think maybe he was supposed to an android. Sure, Speakman's a karate guy, but he only has about two fights and neither of them is worth renting the movie to see. There are a lot of B-movie familiar faces in this movie, but I'll only mention one other. Robin Curtis...the second Lt. Saavik from Star trek: The search for Spock was Brey. If you watch this movie you'll come to realize how much time has passed since the Search for Spock and this movie's creation. She's not unattractive, but she's showing her age. Curtis also makes an appearance in the Inferno when she plays an air force officer in Bloodfist Six: Ground Zero. ( I won't add a link here for that movie since this review may be posted before that one.)

Best Lines: "Guns don't kill people...we do!"- One of the rangers. That was the best line in the movie. Shows you what I went through, huh?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Talk about Corny! After the accident on Scorpio One, some flight control guy says "Get me the President." Geez...is the Prez that easy to call? Doesn't this guy have any other superiors or levels to go through before he can just call the President!? He certainly doesn't seem important enough to warrant instant access to "da man".

2.) At first Glance, Scorpio One appears to the most sophisticated space station ever! It must have artificial gravity and it looks pretty roomy and comfortable! But that's at first glance. The idiot who starts all of the trouble sabotages the station by simply switching two hoses! Good failsafe that, huh? It'd be harder to sabotage my car! Then before he can escape he accidentally launches the escape pod thingie by hitting one lever. Who designed this station? Dr. Clayton Forrester*?

3.) Do the laws of physics cease to exist in this movie? Stone is examining the launch bay on Scorpio One....a bay that is still open to space. The saboteur sneaks up on him and cuts the air line on his space suit. Stone barely manages to make it out of the room and seal the door. Then he removes his helmet. But...but the way the scene was shot it looks to me that there's no airlock segue from the bay to the hall. So when Stone opened that door wouldn't that expose the entire station to space? Wouldn't all of the air on Scorpio One suddenly rush through that doorway? To make it even more confusing, Commander Wilson and Shannon are in the hallway...without spacesuits! Wouldn't they have been sucked into space?

4.) This movie has the worst...and I mean the WORST explosive decompression death scene I have yet to see. Think about the death of the Kraken in Clash of the Titans...then think about if the same effect were done on a person but with only ten bucks for the Special effects.

5.) Good fight scenes can make even the most mediocre movie look good. Chop-sockey karate flicks have known  this since forever! You'd think that Stone would have plenty of action scenes since Jeff Speakman is a martial artist, but sadly no. That's why I had ah ard time suspending my disbelief during the fight he has with one of the bad guys. A wounded Carter kicks the bad guy in the nuts...when Stone fights him he hits the guy a few times and slams him in the balls with a Fire Extinguisher! Yet, this guy is still able to fight, let alone stand? Remember what I said about the laws of physics in number#3? Well, there's a little known law of physics that Newton didn't account for....B+Ix10P. For you laymen....Balls plus Impact is equal to ten times the normal amount of pain any man can stand!!! Even the toughest man reading this will have to admit getting kicked in the nuts really [unwrite]ing hurts...but having your nuts mashed with a blunt object a few seconds after the first impact is coma-inducing! If there's someone that doesn't believe this theory get someone to smack your nuts twice with a blunt object and get back to me.

NUDITY AND SEX:  None

HUH?:  Not that I actually cared about any of the characters in this movie, but I cry foul on the deaths of two of them...first the death of CIA agent Green. He dies on the black ops mission at March Ocean Industries. How can this seasoned and seemingly intelligent agent die when the old lady desk-jockey Gibson makes it out? Against a bunch of rent-a-cops? No freakin' way. Foul two...Carter elects to stay behind because the escape capsule's telemetry will be thrown off his extra weight...not even Stone buys that! But Carter insists because he says "I'm dead anyway." Carter, you moron! You're only wounded and since you're partially ambulatory and coherent I'd say you have a pretty [unwrite]in' good chance of living if you get back to earth and get some medical treatment! I'd be less upset if the deaths of these characters actually meant something! I know that in real life death usually comes in unfair packages...but since this is a movie...and not a particularly GOOD movie, the heavy handed "Look how brave and selfless he is" thing with Carter doesn't work.

As I said, its only a movie....'cuz in real life I think the FBI would have been on Senator Treadwell's ass...and they would have found the evidence they'd need. Because in real life the CIA wouldn't dick around. They'd just "plant the bloody glove" and set his ass up.

What were the makers of this film thinking? You only have to listen to the music and see the ending credits to know that they think they had just created a masterful piece of Sci-fi and espionage. This movie was less entertaining than a mediocre episode of Earth: Final Conflict.

So, with the governments consent, Stone puts the secret for Cold fusion on the Internet? Headlines read "America's Gift To The World"? Man, I'd like to live in that world. I'm sure that the US Government would just give up a secret that is obviously so powerful that individual statesmen and government agencies are killing over it! Which brings me to this question: What the hell was the research for this monumental discovery doing on Scorpio One to begin with? That makes less than zero sense! I'm not even going to ask how all of this information fit on one common FLOPPY DISK! So the secret to cold fusion, including animations only takes up to or less than 1.3 megabytes? To think I need a zip drive just contain the wealth of knowledge in the Inferno!

Considering the fact that any halfway sane government is concerned about whacked out terrorists getting their hands on nuclear technology and know-how, isn't putting Cold fusion knowledge on the freaking internet a dumb idea? Now we have to worry about nutsos building "Cold Fusion Bombs" and leaving them in the the middle of New York City!

THE TALLY: I actually tried to like this movie more than I did. It started off okay, then it quickly went downhill as soon as the shuttle lift-off was over. Don't be fooled by the way this movie tries to lure you in. You may think its an action-packed space adventure. Or an intriguing  espionage movie. Its not...its a stiff, boring and lackluster movie. It doesn't deserve to go into the pit, but this movie should just count its blessings and shuffle off to oblivion.

*Dr. Clayton Forrester was the mad scientist that built the Satellite of Love on Mystery Science Theater 3000.