The Shadow Killers
THE STORY: If this movie isn't from the same folks that bought us such inane classics like Ninja Avenger, Ninja Masters of Death and Ninja Silent Assassins its a pretty good facsimile! This movie is a mixture of a european film with an asian film, and it includes the same kind of crazy editing, mixed up scenes and bad dubbing that made the ninja films on this web site what they are...a freaking mess!
I'm not going to even try to tell you what the plot is...if there was a plot. I got too confused after the first twenty minutes. theres a barbecue scene and suddenly ninjas jump out and start killing guys and kidnapping women. Then some european guy hires a blonde white chick ninja to rescue his daughter, Sylvia. She gets caught by the ninjas while playing with bugs on a beach. Really. From then on it gets confusing because its two movies trying to be one and neither movie looks good. The asian part seems to be a chinese women in prison movie starring Sylvia, a girl trying to escape. the european movie is about white slavery and tries to use the asian film to show women in bondage being used in slave labor. The Lady Ninja doesn't do a whole lot until the end when she faces the leader of the evil ninjas and gets her ass kicked. The european guy that hired her shows up with his men and shoots the evil ninja. Then the Lady Ninja disappears in a puff of smoke.
If you think Ninja Avenger or Ninja Masters of Death are goofy fun for chop-sockey flicks this one may be up your alley. Its so badly edited and dubbed you pretty much have to see it to believe it.
BEST LINES: "What're you staring at cutie? You gay?"-I'm not even sure who said that.
BEST LINES: "So, the little bitch that ruined my empire is here! I'm going to destroy you and make you die in agony!"-The evil ninja to the Lady Ninja.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) The first thing about this movie is that ninjas attack a barbecue. I got a few chuckles out of that.
2.) Ten minutes into this--OMIGOD! More badly dubbed white people in brightly colored Ninja outfits!? Who the hell is making these monstrosities!?
3.) The dubbing is truly a crime in this flick.
4.) Theres a scene when the Lady Ninja, disguised as a female prisoner, entices one of the guards on a beach. Its so badly edited in you can see its two different movies.
5.) WHAT THE HELL? The Lady Ninja walked through a wall!
NUDITY AND SEX: Nope.
HUH?: The Lady Ninja has magic powers like Samantha Stevens on Bewitched! she waves her hands and boulders come flying down on a guard! Shades of Carrie!
The asian film is about female prison not white slavery. this becomes glaringly apparent when the prisoners get MAIL! If you don't get that think about it...how can you capture women and put them into slavery and let them GET MAIL! What do white slavery victims use as a return address?
Its funny to see the european guy talking about how he wants his daughter, Sylvia, a chinese woman rescued. (Yeah, you can say she's adopted but this film is so badly done its just another thing to shake your head at.)
Why is it called White Slavery? Isn't slavery, slavery?
THE TALLY: Well, this movie is perfect for fans of really bad karate flicks. Its unbelievably bad to be honest. I could scarcely believe it. The box was really misleading! It looked like a run-of-the-mill kung fu flick, not one of these crazy edited movies. It was on a shelf next to the Crippled Masters and Five Deadly Venoms! I was suckered I tells ya! It would be very entertaining if the editing weren't so bad. Its hard to follow a story in this movie...you just have turn your brain off and let it ride.