SPIRITS

THE STORY: Dr. Wicks, parapsychologist has arranged for an examination of Herron House, a haunted mansion in southern California, before it is torn down in two days. Ten years ago grisly murders took place there and it's been uninhabited since. Before that it was built and owned by Henri Picard, a French ex-priest, who conducted satanic rituals there. Dr. Wicks and his friends, Amy the psychic, Beth the clinical psychologist and Harry the photographer experience several manifestations during their stay which culminates in Picard possessing basically everyone at one time or another. The spirit also haunts Father Vicci (Erik Estrada!) at his church. Vicci broke his vows ten years prior and slept with Mrs. Herron. Knowing that the evil force is active again Vicci goes to Herron House and defeats the ghost of Picard before it destroys the others, but he is too late to save Harry. Harry's shacking up with the ghost of Mrs. Herron, who intends to continue haunting the priest.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Herron house is old and big, but they want to tear it down? It was built one hundred years ago! Don't they have a Historical Preservation Society in southern California? They can't be too serious about tearing it down though, since it's fully furnished! With running water and electricity too!

2.) I thought parapsychologists had all sorts of snazzy equipment like on "Sightings". These guys have one video camera.

3.) They find Picard's diary in the basement. I thought this place was being torn down? You mean, NO historians searched the place? Talk about throwing away history! I guess they DON'T have a Historical Preservation Society in southern California!

4.) They find Picard's corpse in the basement! What the Hell!? Were they just going to knock the place over and build condo's over his grave!? Oh, I forgot...no one inventoried the house...it still had all of the furniture!

5.) These people are the bravest folks I've ever seen! The first night in the house EACH of them (well, except for Wicks) sees, hears or is taunted by the ghost of Picard...Harry wakes up and finds the ghost of Mrs. Herron in bed with him and he screws her! True, she turns into a rotting corpse and scares the piss out of him, but the point is, they STAY! Beth in fact gets angry that Amy suggests Picard haunted her! Excuse me, you SAW him you stupid wench! If I saw an evil demon ghost while in a house reputed to be haunted I'd be leaving the area at speeds that would make light envious!

NUDITY AND SEX: The nun that haunts Vicci has a rockin' bod. Mrs. Herron does Harry, but she needs some silicon implants. (okay, that was mean, but I did think that when I saw that scene. I apologize though)

HUH?: Nuns wear high heels? The ghost/nun that tempts Father Vicci is wearing some serious heels. For a priest he doesn't put up much of a fight once she gets nude either, but we're talking about Erik Estrada. (Plus, she was hot!)

THE TALLY: Why don't these people run? Well, they never run in haunted house movies.... But usually they make an excuse like the road is out or the weather is really bad...but these people each had a car directly outside and the weather was fine! Morons. I liked this movie. It was stupid enough to be worth cracking jokes at, but not bad enough to make me gag. I'm betting other people could wisecrack the hell out of this one.