THE STORY: The idea of something that we think of as harmless suddenly attacking humans and killing them is a horror movie staple. The movie "The Birds" is an example. The movie "The Pack" is another, when starving dogs gang up to hunt people for food. But dogs are pack animals....and dogs can be pretty nasty, even when they're domesticated. Even a movie about a gang of Chihuahuas might be a little scary if done right. (they are mean little bastards.) But Cats? Regular, everyday pussycats? Nope, I ain't buyin' it. Good grief, couldm't theythink of anything better than cats? Whats next, "Day of the Guinea Pigs"? "Attack of the blood sucking Hamsters"?

Paul and Lindsey Jarrett and little toddler, Tessa move into a new house in the country. The house was previously owned by a little old lady that fed a lot of stray cats. The cats are still around, but don't make themselves known right away. The realtor was Lindsay's sister, Claire. Claire is going through a divorce and Paul is her lawyer.

This movie takes a long time for the little bit of it that is exciting to happen. (and I mean little bit...c'mon...they're cats. How scary can they be?) The cats travel into the house from the cellar via the vents. They leave a rat in the bedroom of Paul and Lindsey. (OOOO) They pee on the clothes in the closet. (AAAAAH) The cats "kill" a phone repair guy in the basement. (and no one notices he's missing...right) Actually the cats jump on him (one cat does actually) and he falls into a shelf. I assume he either had a heart attack or hit his head. (Maybe he's CAT-atonic! Hahaha!! Oh, come on...you knew I was going to say that!) Because there's no way that cat killed him. The cats maul the family dog, Benny, but the vet thinks its a fox or something at first.

Eventually the cats attack Lindsey and Tessa while Paul is at work. Lindsey makes a frantic call to Paul who drives home, but it takes him hours to get there. Meanwhile, Lindsey and Tessa cower in fear. Yes, they cower...from cats! Its not like they're robot cats or anything. How Lindsey is so frightened is beyond me.

Just to get the meager body count up, Claire comes into the house (after Lindsey and Tessa have escaped to the outside) and falls down the stairs when the cats startle her. So there's two kills so far. I'm being generous, because as I said I don't believe a cat could have killed the phone guy and I don't buy it that they knocked Claire, a full grown woman, down.

Paul arrives home. Tessa somehow has gotten back in the house. Paul coaxes little Tessa to crawl out of the doggy-door to safety. Then the "dominant male" cat attacks him. At one point Paul throws the cat into the microwave, but the cats pops out and attacks him again. (The microwave didn't work so its not like the cat got cooked, but still....). Paul tricks the cat into biting into the microwave's power cord, killing it.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find this hard to buy? Cats? I have two cats and I can assure you I could kill both of them easily if I wanted to. I could kill 'em with one broken arm and a broken leg. Yeah, cats can scratch you up. (I know...I've tried to bathe these two monsters) but they aren't deadly. If I was in a house confronted by about twenty stray cats I'd just start kicking and stepping on them. They're cats! They weigh, what, maybe ten pounds apiece?! Is there anyone out there that thinks cats could actually kill them? Paul was played by Timothy Busfield. Lindsey was played by Kathleen Quinlan. Busfield was in the horrible-ass movie Trucks. Quinlan I know I've seen in other crappy flicks. Claire was acted by the luscious Claudia Christian. Sci-fi fans know Claudia from her part as Commander Susan Ivanova on Babylon Five. She also played an immortal bounty hunter on Highlander: The Series. The phone guy...and I didn't get his name was on Babylon Five, too, as President Clark.

Best Lines: "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...."-Paul coaxes the mean ass cat into biting the electrical cord. Has anyone ever said "here, kitty, kitty, kitty" and had a cat actually come to them, a stray cat? I can't even get my cats to come to me on command and I call them by name!

1.) The family is run off of the road and into a ditch when a big cat jumps on the windshield of their moving car! Cats don't do that! Cats are remarkably chicken! They don't do things like that!

2.) Speaking of things that cats don't do, the phone repairman guy hears a loud, deep, throaty, monster-like roar while he's in the basement. That was not a cat sound. It wasn't a loud meow or anything, it was definitely a monster-roar. I want to see the [unwrite]ing cat that can make that sound. We're not talking lions or cougars, we're talking [unwrite]ing ALLEY CATS!

Hey...how long was the dead phone guy in the cellar? After the cats attack him and he dies didn't ANYONE wonder where he was? Even if the Jarrets thought that he had left and didn't bother to look in the cellar didn't this dude have any co-workers or family that would wonder where he was and why he never came home? Wouldn't the police have found his body when they retraced his steps? I don't know how much time was supposed to have passed but it seems like a few days. Even one day is enough for the phone company to wonder where this guy is! A tow truck came for his vehicle, but someone at the phone company must think its strange that he abandoned it!

3.) The vet that comes to treat Benny is a real Jackass. He talks down to Paul about how "having a pet is a privilege" and all. True, but the dog, Benny got hurt tussling with cats and its not like it was because of negligence on Paul's part. The part that gets me is he's in Paul's house. Now, I'll tell you something...an animal control guy once chewed me out because my dog's tags were out of date. They were out of date because the people I left my dog with during Desert Storm abandoned her. I spent a lot of time when I got back to the states searching for my dog and I got her out of the pound. I knew she needed new tags, but my house was robbed also while I was gone. So I forgot to get the tags before the AC guy came to inspect the dog. His problem started when he decided to berate me for being a bad owner and HE WAS IN MY YARD. A simple lesson folks...don't chew me out in my home unless you're cop and you're armed...even then you'll be skating on thin ice. The only thing that kept the AC guy from being gorilla stomped on the spot was that my buddy was there and he calmed me down. But I did get a written and verbal apology from the jerk when his boss heard about it. So why does Paul let this asshole vet to him like he does in his house with his family right there? If it was me there'd have been a veterinarian that needs a doctor.

4.) Are the doors in this house made of Balsa wood? How the [unwrite] do cats....normal cats, not mutant cats, not space cats from beyond the Galaxy, not demon cats from the fourth circle of hell, scratch through a door? Bull[unwrite]!

5.) How does this cat manage to get out of that microwave? There's no way a cat is that strong! It'd have to break the latching mechanism to force that door open. Now, I can believe that a stray cat may be exceptionally strong (for a cat) but not that strong. The cat even launches itself across the room like Superman and attacks Paul! Its so ludicrous you really have to see it to believe it.

NUDITY AND SEX: none

HUH?: Paul and Lindsey have an argument about Claire. Lindsey thinks that they've been or will be messing around. It seems to me that Lindsey is really paranoid. Paul hasn't done a thing to make Lindsey think that. Claire kissed him once and Lindsey saw it. but it was in their living room. so if she thinks Paul's a two-timing dog, she must think he's an idiot too. I mean, it was in their house and Lindsey was in the next room. Would anyone be that stupid to make a play with their wife's sister in that circumstance? To me it just seems like Lindsey is over-reacting. If anything, this was to pad the film out a little because in reality, cats aren't that frightening! (Then again Claudia Christian is definitely babe-a licious!)

There's a lot of cats in this place....so how come no one noticed them until they cause trouble...(like killing people) when I grew up the old ladies next door used to feed the stray cats, so there was an enormous stray cat population in my neighborhood. Hell, there were so many cats in the tree in the ladies yard I thought cats grew on trees as a kid! ...and cats can make a lot of [unwrite]ing noise when they want. I have two cats...before they were fixed the noise they made when they went in heat was unbearable! (That's why one of them is named "Banshee") I find it a little hard to swallow that these cats only meow when they are about to attack....and that none of them went into heat and mewled loudly, or screeched...and two cats copulating ain't quiet either.

Why are the Jarrett's moving at the end of the movie? The cats have been removed! They paid for that house. I'd be damned if some freaking cats chased me out of my home. (Then again I do have to fight my own cats for room on my own couch)

Uh-uh. I can't believe it. Cats just ain't that scary. Lindsey hides in the bedroom afraid that the cats will get her and Tessa. Here's an idea, Lindsey, you imbecile: You're in your bedroom...put some jeans on and a sweatshirts. Put some gloves on or rip up a towel or a shirt and cover your hands. Put a blanket over the kid and go out in the hall and kick some pussycat ass! THEY'RE [unwrite]ING CATS! Just kick them!

There's no real explanation as to why the cats would attack people like that. Anyone who has ever seen stray cats that huddle together know that the cats usually flee when a human comes near. Cats, even stray cats only attack a larger foe when they're cornered! Cats are notorious cowards! My cats run away if I sneeze loudly! So why do these cats actually initiate the conflict?

THE TALLY: Normally I'd give this movie three devils at least. I mean, CATS attacking people. It could have been a good schlocky movie. Yeah, it still would have been stupid, but a higher body count and more ridiculous cat-attacks would have helped. As it stands the cats only kill two people and its not that exciting. I don't even know if you can say the cats killed them. Just for having the nerve to try to make pussycats scary this movie deserves better. But, it doesn't deliver on any real thrills, so I judge it to get two devils. ...and that's this cats meow.