THE STORY: I can't think of another reason to rent a post-apocalyptic movie except to see ACTION. When I see a movie that's supposed to after the apocalypse I want to crazy nomads fighting the heroes! I want the heroes to be ass kickin' badasses! I don't care if its a Mad Max rip-off as long as its entertaining. The Postman with Kevin Costner was actually pretty good! even Dead Man Walking, while cheap and cheesy kept your interest.Yet this movie managed to be so crappy I almost wished it was Interzone! (almost) It wasn't even interesting! I really thought about turning this movie off but then I couldn't write a fair review.

Survivor...no other name is given...was an astronaut. On a space shuttle mission he deployed an SDI. (read: a laser defense system against nuclear strikes...like Star wars) this prompted the Russians to shoot it down and start WWIII. When we meet Survivor he's travelling through the desert on a solar powered car. All of the exposition is given in the form of hearing Survivor's thoughts. Through the whole movie this happens...Survivor hardly ever speaks, we just hear what he's thinking. He's looking for a fabled city, the last bastion of humanity, because someone he met before the movie started told him it existed. He comes across some nomads who wound him but he kills them. Survivor, hurt, passes out and awakens in the old rusted hulk of a ship. His captor was the female prisoner of the nomads. Since she's a female, we have to go through the uninteresting scenes where Survivor makes friends with her and eventually beds her. One day the female known only as "Woman" is kidnapped. Survivor follows the trail to the city he's heard of, an underground complex that is under the rule of Kragg. Kragg has been seeking fertile females to impregnate and breed a new human race. Some of his followers capture Survivor, but instead of killing him, they ask him to kill Kragg. Well, Survivor is definitely not The Last Action Hero! He gets his ass kicked and then we all get our asses kicked (mentally, not physically) listening to Kragg's long ass speeches! This was the point that that I wanted to shut the VCR off. But I persevered! Kragg decides to have Survivor castrated, but Survivor makes an escape. After a very un-exciting chase Kragg shoots "Woman" but Survivor kills Kragg.

I never released that I didn't like Richard Moll until now. I didn't find him funny on the TV show Night Court as Bull...I thought he was a lame villain in the premiere episode of "Highlander: The Series" (Which can be found on video as "Highlander: the Gathering" ) He was Kragg and his character bored me to tears. There's no one else of note in this film...(that I know of, but I don't care because it sucked. ) The voice-overs were tedious. The entire underground complex scenes were too dark. I have to hand one thing to the makers of this film...it can't be too hard to make a slightly exciting after the apocalypse b-movie...but this one was boring!  this movie says on the box...."Survivor is a power packed action-adventure that runs Mad Max right off the road!" I should sue for false advertising and Mel Gibson should beat the snot out of anyone connected with this film.

Best Lines: "Everybody thinks its the end of the world! Its the beginning! "- Kragg during his very long winded speech.

1.) Okay, we don't find out a damn thing until about 15 minutes into this movie. Yeah, you know that there has been a big nuclear war and the world is a big mess. But a little exposition to let us know what happened exactly would be nice. It took about twenty to thirty minutes to find out that our hero isn't in the United States but somewhere in Istanbul.

2.) This moron, Survivor, frees himself from the bonds that "Woman" put him in...but when he gets free he steals back his pistol and "Woman" finds him sunbathing on the deck! Why? He doesn't know what her intentions might be? She may try to kill him! For that matter, "Woman" is awake when he steals the gun. But she goes back to sleep! If I was her, I'd have cut his throat when she was asleep.

3.) In the deep dark caverns of the underground complex, Survivor uses the end of his gun as a torch. Is that wise?

4.) All of Survivor's fights end up with him getting his ass kicked. Except for the fact that he does manage to kill Kragg, he really sucks!

5.) Hey! The box said this was an ACTION MOVIE! Why is it so mind-numbingly boring?

NUDITY AND SEX: Yes, but it was painful.

HUH?: Survivor says the ozone layer is gone and the earth is out of its orbit and falling towards the sun. Well, then why were you laying out on the deck? The solar radiation must be incredible! Isn't that asking for instant skin cancer? Ain't like there's a lot of Coppertone lotion after the apocalypse! For that matter, if the earth is falling into the sun, why bother with anything?

THE TALLY: This movie is a snoozer. It will put you to sleep. Its not exciting and you won't give a rats ass near the end if you can last that long. Now halfway through this satanic buttnugget of a film I knew it wasn't going to get more than one devil…two maybe if it had a really dramatic surprise ending…but it actually got even more boring! Then when Kragg (Richard Moll, and I'm really trying to not make jokes about him…I do think he sucks however) started talking I knew it was tombstone city for this flick. If you do happen to see this waste of celluloid on the video shelf, steer clear of it…Survivor, much like the 80's band of the same name, doesn't Survive.

OVERTURNED: Greywizard had some valid points in why he liked this movie. I decided to watch it again a short while ago. While I still found it a little slow I no longer find it to be the snore factory I once did. Thus Surivor is to be released from the pit and into movie purgatory, now scoring a one devil rating.