THE STORY: Pirates have always fascinated me. I guess I like the romantic notion of it all. Sailing the high seas, stealing stuff and fighting guys and all that guff. Which is why I like this movie. Now this movie is not a great movie...but its got a little charm in a Disney like kind of way. (its not a Disney movie...I'm not into that)

Lord Durant is the evil governor of an 18th century Jamaican colony. he ruthlessly imprisons those who oppose him and crushes the people under his greedy thumb. His main nemesis is Captain "Red" Ned Lynch. Lynch is a pirate and has a ship called the Blarney Cock.

Durant imprisons Lord Barnett, a nobleman. why is never really explained, but Barnett is a 'good guy'. Meaning he's not evil . Barnett's wife and daughter are forced to move into the slums. Lynch and his first mate, Nick Debrett, steal Barnett's treasure from Durant's guards who were sent to confiscate it. (in doing so they make a fool out of Major Folly, one of Durant's henchman...its not the first time they've foiled folly. At the beginning of the film Lynch saves Nick from execution right under Folly's nose.) Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Barnett's daughter, Jane, spots a necklace that belonged to her on a whore. Lynch gave it to her. this causes a fight between the two women in a tavern with Lynch and his crew present. the fight is broken up when Durant's soldiers bust in and try to arrest Lynch. Lynch and his men escape taking Jane with them.

Jane is ungrateful for the rescue and since she's not Lynch's prisoner she goes back home. But there's no joy there. Her mother and her cousin (I didn't catch his name) tell her that Durant plans on sailing to England with all of his plundered goods in a day or so. Jane then appeals to Lynch for help. Lynch agrees even though Nick is against it. They almost succeed in killing Durant but Jane loses it and falls under Durant's sword. No, I don't mean she gets killed, but she's on the floor and Durant orders Lynch to give up or he'll kill her. Lynch agrees, even though Nick warns him not to. Lynch orders his men to disarm...even though they were winning...but Nick refuses when Durant calls him a "big black ape". This puts the fight back in the pirates and they fight they're way out. A few are captured but Lynch escapes.

Nick enlists the aid of his friend, Cudjo. They rally the people and stage an assault on Durant's prison. freeing the captives they then go to kill Durant. Major folly tries to protect Durant, but is easily defeated. This is the part for the big showdown. Durant and Lynch have a lengthy sword fight which of course, Lynch wins. the last sight we see is Durant's dead body.

I'd say this movie is good for kids around 10 to 13. Its not really bloody, its not really too violent and the good guys all seem like a swell bunch for pirates. Ned Lynch is played by Robert Shaw. Nick is played by James Earl Jones....if you haven't heard of him he's been in a lot of flicks and he's the voice of Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies. Angelica Huston was Durant's wife/concubine...she didn't have any lines...she just sat around looking creepy. She's listed in the credits as the "Woman of Dark Visage". Cudjo was played by...and get this...Geoffrey Holder. If you were alive in the late 70's or early 80's you've seen him. He was the Uncola guy for the soft drink 7up. Remember him? He would talk about how good 7up was and laugh with that deep Caribbean accented voice. You'll hear that laugh in this movie. Durant was played by Peter Boyle. Boyle looked bored during his scenes. I get the impression he wasn't into his part. You can see Pete Boyle in the movie Young Frankenstein (its hilarious) and on the TV sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. Jane was acted by Genevieve Bujold. for those of you that didn't know, she was going to be Captain Janeway on Star Trek: Voyager but bailed out before the pilot was finished. (that's when Kate Mulgrew was cast as the intrepid captain). Rumor has it that Bujold was such a prima donna she couldn't handle the pace of filming a weekly TV show. Well. I haven't heard of her being in anything else recently...I wonder if she regrets it?

Best Lines: "One man's daughter is another's man's whore!"- One of the pirates in the tavern.

1.) there is no way Cudjo hit that fruit with a thrown knife when he first appears. Why? because he walks around a corner after the knife is thrown. Did he make it turn in mid air? Did the laws of physics not exist in 18th century Jamaica?

2.) What the---call me crazy--Cudjo is the UNCOLA GUY! I know that laugh!

3.) Why would Jane even think Lynch is anywhere to be found when she seeks his help? The soldiers only just failed to catch him the day before in Jamaica. You'd think Lynch would have sailed for safer climes until the heat was off. Of course, this is movie land. Lynch and his crew are in the very same brothel/ tavern that they almost got caught in before! I'm pretty sure real pirates were a little more careful.

4.) You know, Nick was right. [unwrite] Jane! Yeah, Durant might have gotten wise to the ambush on his own, but she blew it when she broke cover and attacked Durant...forcing Lynch and his men to fight. Being a female in a movie she has to be defeated by the bad guy and used to force the good guy's to surrender. But Nick ain't haven' that. His defiance allows them to escape...so he was right. Jane is a stuck up bitch anyway. Lynch should let Durant kill her, then he coulda killed Lynch and took the treasure anyway.

5.) Ever notice how in movies the jailer of dungeons is always drunk and passed out allowing the good guys to steal the keys and free people from their cells? If not, welcome to the contrived plot occurrence universe! Because, that's exactly what happens in this flick! What did this jailer drink? Lynch and his men have a five minute brawl with a bunch of guard right upstairs. I mean a loud, brutal brawl...this guy didn't hear that? Is he a deaf jailer?

NUDITY AND SEX: Jane is seen swimming nude very briefly.

HUH?: During the fight in the tavern, a soldier attacks and tries to rape Jane. Why? first there's a full scale battle going on...his comrades against the pirates...second, why is he trying to rape Jane in a bar full of hostile pirates and witnesses? Not to mention his comrades who would, I assume, want his help and rat on him. Is he that horny? Were hookers that hard to find back then? I think not...there's plenty of hookers for the pirates. Jane shoves a dagger in his gut for his troubles.

Is Jane outta her mind? Why did she decide to go skinny-dipping when on a boatful of pirates? Would any woman do that? In the company of cutthroats. Besides that Jane is an upper-crusty type woman. I don't think privileged ladies would bare their...uh...goodies to pirates in the 18 century.

I almost thought this was Bugs Bunny cartoon. Lynch's crew blow up the prison by firing a bomb into it. The bomb ignites the gunpowder stored there. now get this...the bomb was   like one of those cartoon bombs...you know...a round black ball with a fuse in it. I'm suprised it didn't say "Bomb" on the side. I won't even ask why it didn't explode before exiting the cannon...which you'd think would ignite it. Some, anyone, tell me....was there ever a bomb that looked like that?

Durant makes a comment about Lynch that alludes to the fact that Lynch once was a nobleman of some sort, but something happened to make him become a pirate. What was it? I'd like to know. It would make Lynch more likable and he's only tolerable in this flick, really. I'd also like to know why Durant is so evil. He even says at one point that he serves one master, that of darkness. Its stupid that the filmmakers offer no explanation for such an utterance.

THE TALLY: Entertaining. If you like pirate movies and want to watch one with your young kids this one is a good choice. The good guys are the pirates, but they aren't evil. Its not an Oscar winner, but it is decent. Unlike Cutthroat Island I don't have to award this movie a handicap...it earned three devils on its own. Ok, I like the Uncola guy, that helped!