Transformers: The Movie

THE STORY: THIS IS THE INFERNO'S FIRST ANIMATED MOVIE! Its really hard for me to pick apart animated movies. Animation makes physical goofs hard to pick out and if the movie was made with kids in mind, it makes it even harder. Because "Kid movies" are dumbed down a little. You have to give them some leeway. But this is a movie I actually saw in the theaters when it came out. My nephew was a kid then, and I took him to see it. He was a big fan of the Transformers and I won't lie, I watched the show a lot myself. Heck, in college, me and my buddies used to watch it. (along with GI Joe and the Thundercats.) I guess we were just big kids at heart.

How can I start describing this movie to you without telling you what the hell the Transformers are? Back in the 1980's some braniacs came up with a neat new toy. Toy robots that could turn into cars! I was too old to play with toys then, but my nephew loved them. The makers had an even better idea...they made a cartoon about the robots. The cartoon was little more than a half hour commercial (just like the GI Joe cartoons were) but they were superior in animation to most American cartoons. Most of the popular 'toons of the time in the US were made by Filmation (He-Man, She-Ra, Blackstar, etc) and they sucked. Filmation's animation technique was to use as much stock footage as possible. But the Transformers had an almost Japanese animation look to them. Slick and energetic. Thus, the Transformers took hold of the kids. Not only were they cool toys, but you could watch them on TV...and they all had cool names!

In the TV show the Autobots (the good guys) were led by Optimus Prime. Prime was a big red robot that turned into a semi. The bad guys, the Decepticons, were led by Megatron, a big white robot that turned into a gun. The autobots and the decepticons were at war. The peaceloving autobots were losing on their home planet, Cybertron and needed to seek out new sources of energy. Optimus Prime and his followers boarded a starship to go look for them. Megatron and his followers chased the autobots and after a fight that damaged both ships they crash-landed on earth, millions of years ago. Awaking in the 20th century, the robots resumed their war. (None of the changed into "earth forms" until they crashed on earth...in the 20th century a repair unit from their crashed ships programmed them to imitate earth vehicles) During the run of the TV show, new robots were introduced on both sides. Some could change into vehicles and merge together into a bigger giant robot (Like Devastator, a decepticon. Devastator was made of five other robots that turned into construction equipment like dump trucks and back hoes. They merged together into a giant robot called Devastator) Some of them turned into items like a boom box. (Like Blaster, an autobot. Blaster turned into a boom box and could eject cassette tapes that turned into smaller robots)

Bear with me, I know this is confusing. In the year 2005, Unicron, a giant robot planet is going around eating other planets and the decepticons have taken control of planet Cybertron. the autobots plan to reclaim their homeworld from their bases on the two moons of Cybertron and their base on earth. Optimus Prime sends some of the autobots to earth to get more energy resources from their base to power the final assault, but Megatron learns of their plans. Megatron hijacks the shuttle and kills the autobots on board. Using the shuttle the decepticons are able to sneak past the early warning systems of  earth's Autobot city. However, a young autobot named Hot Rod and a human boy, Daniel discover the subterfuge. (Daniel is the son of the autobots human sidekick, spike, from the TV series. Spike is on one of the moonbases of Cybertron helping the autobots.) Expose, the decepticons attack. The leader of Autobot City, Ultra Magnus, orders an emergency distress call to Prime. The decepticons outnumber them and are breaching the defenses.

The autobots fight valiantly. Hot Rod, Kup, Springer and Arcee (the main characters in the movie) defend the city to the last, but are in danger of defeat when Optimus Prime, the dinobots and others arrive. Prime attacks the decepticons and single-handedly defeats most of them. Then he faces Megatron in a one on one duel. Prime kind of wins. Megatron cheats, but the fight leaves both robots fatally damaged. (its strange to use the words "robots" and "fatally" in one sentence.) Star Scream assumes command of the decepticons and they retreat. During the TV show, Star Scream was always trying to get rid of Megatron so he could be the decepticon leader. Optimus Prime is tended to by his friends, but dies. Before he expires he hands over the Matrix of Leadership, some kind of glowing orb, to Ultra Magnus.

Meanwhile, the decepticons are flying back to Cybertron but have to eject some weight from their ship to make it. They decide to get rid of the most seriously wounded. They are dumped into space, including Megatron. (Star Scream's big push to be leader) Afloat in space, Megatron comes upon Unicron. Unicron offers him a deal he can't refuse. Work for him or be destroyed. Accepting, Megatron is rebuilt into Galvatron, a meaner, more powerful version of himself. The other wounded decepticons are also transformed into newer more powerful robots. (and new toys!) Unicron wants Galvatron to get the Autobot Matrix from Ultra Magnus. its the only thing that can destroy him. The first thing Galvatron does however, is to go to Cybertron. He arrives just as Star Scream is being crowned as the new leader. Galvatron transforms into a cannon and destroys Star Scream. Then he takes command of the decepticons and heads to earth to get Ultra Magnus and the matrix. Unicron arrives at Cybertron and devours the moonbases and the autobots on them.

The autobots on the moonbases manage to send a distress call to earth before they are devoured. Ultra Magnus and his crew are ready to go to their aid when Galvatron attacks them. They manage to escape in their shuttles but are pursued by Galvatron. Kup, Hot Rod and the dinobots are shot down and crash on a strange planet. Ultra Magnus manages to save the others on his shuttle by tricking the decepticons. however, the ship is damaged and they must land on the planet of junk to make repairs.

Kup and Hot Rod are separated from the dinobots on a weird planet. There they are captured by the Sharktacons (robots that turn into pirahna like shark things) and their masters, the Quintessons...(I'm not even going to try to describe the Quintessons....just roll with it!) The dinobots meet another robot called Wheelie that tells them where their friends are being held. Just as Kup and Hot Rod are fighting for their lives, the dinobots arrive and make short work of the Sharktacons. (The dinobots are supposed to be real badasses) Wheelie then helps them find a ship so they can find Ultra Magnus and the others and save Cybertron from Unicron.

On the planet of Junk, Daniel is given an exosuit by the autobots. Its a sort of space armor that allows him to lift heavy objects and transforms into a vehicle so he can ride inside of it. Ultra Magnus and the crew begin to repair their damaged ship. Unbeknownst to them Unicron has informed Galvatron that Ultra Magnus still lives and has the matrix. Galvatron and his cronies arrive and attack. The autobots split up, but Ultra Magnus is cornered by the decepticons. Magnus tries to use the power of the matrix but can't get it to pen up. Galvatron terminates him and takes the matrix. Arcee, Springer, Daniel and Perceptor find the remains of Ultra Magnus and lament on what to do next. Just then they are attacked by the denizens of the planet of Junk, the Junkions. The Junkions are robots too and they transform into motorcycles. They all look alike and are almost indestructible. the rebuild themselves right from the wreckage covering the planet surface! The odds look bad when Kup, Hot Rod and the Dinobots arrive. For some reason this causes the Junkions to stop fighting and become friends with the autobots. (with a really dumb scene of them all dancing around while the song "Dare to be stupid" by Weird Al Yankovic is played) The Junkions team up with the autobots and produce another spaceship from the wreckage. they also rebuild and repair Ultra Magnus. Then our heroes blast off to Cybertron to stop Unicron and recover the matrix.

In orbit of Cybertron, Unicron is enraged when Galvatron tries to use the matrix to enslave him. Unicron then transforms himself into a planet sized robot warrior! Unicron swallows Galvatron and then he promptly begins to destroy the planet. the autobots arrive in their ship and crash through Unicron's eye. Inside of the giant robot Hot Rod becomes separated from the others. While the others are on the run from Unicron's internal defenses, Hot Rod finds Galvatron, who now wears the matrix around his neck on a chain. At first Galvatron wants to team up with Hot Rod to defeat Unicron, but Unicron forces him to fight. While all this is going on, Daniel finds his father Spike and the autobots that were on the moonbases about to be cast into an acid vat. He rescues them, and they go seek out their friends.

Hot Rod's battle isn't going well. He's no match for Galvatron and is about to be killed, but in the last instant he grabs the matrix from Galvatron's neck. Instantly the voice of Optimus Prime heard telling him to arise as Rodimus Prime! The matrix transforms Hot Rod into a bigger, more powerful version of himself, the new autobot leader, Rodimus Prime. With his new power, Rodimus slaps Galvatron around and then does what all cartoon heroes do....instead of just killing their ultimate foe, he throws Galvatron through a wall and into space! Using the matrix once again, Rodimus Prime causes Unicron to begin to self destruct. As Unicron's falls apart all the other Autobots arrive and are stunned to see Hot Rod has become Rodimus Prime. They all transform into vehicles (Instead of a "hot rod" Rodimus Prime becomes a big freakin' truck so Spike and Daniel can climb in) and escape into space just as Unicron explodes. The final scene shows Rodimus Prime announcing to a now recovered Cybertron that the wars are over and the rallying cry of the Autobots ''til all are one!".

Whew, that was hard. I had to leave out a lot of details for the sake of space and my own sanity. Its hard to describe if you have never seen the TV show. Like who are the dinobots? Well, the dinobots are robots that turn into robot dinosaurs! And what does Ultra Magnus turn into? Well, Ultra Magnus turns into a big car carrier. Plus, I'll admit that it all sounds rather silly, especially since my description probably isn't all that good. But anyone who grew up in the 80's knows what I mean. The transformers were a big deal then. When my nephew was very young I asked my sister what he really wanted for Christmas so I could get it for him. She told me he wanted "That big red robot on TV" (Optimus Prime) I must have traveled all over the Tri-state area trying to find an Optimus Prime. all the toy stores were out of transformers! I did find one before Christmas and it cost about $50.00! I told the clerk as I was paying for it that the damn thing should turn into a real [unwrite]in' truck and drive me home! Another 80's transformers note from my life is my buddy Scott worked at a toy store for awhile (Kiddie City) He somehow got hold of a truckload of transformer toys...how I don't know, but even if he did steal them what he did was kind of special. I didn't live in an area of town where people had a lot of money. Scotty came over with his car full of toys and gave all of them away to the neighborhood kids! He even made sure all of them got at least one! The kids of course were ecstatic. They loved the transformers! A lot of kids and their parents were upset about the movie because Optimus Prime died. the reason for that is obvious...they wanted to make room for the new line of toys. But they did bring prime back, in a two part episode called "The return of Optimus Prime". apparently the toy company had to satisfy the fans and bring back their favorite transformer.

For a cartoon movie there were a lot of star voices in it. Optimus Prime was voiced by Peter Cullen. I don't know who he is, but he has a really cool voice. Wreckgar, leader of the Junkions was voiced by Eric Idle of Monty Python fame. Leonard Nimoy (Spock from Star trek) was Galvatron. Orson Welles, yes, the Orson Welles, was the voice of Unicron. Robert Stack was Ultra Magnus and Judd Nelson was the voice of Hot Rod and Rodimus Prime.

Best Lines: "Lets hope so, because if I didn't we're all gonna look like burnt out toaster ovens!"- Blaster's response to Perceptor asking whether or not his distress call got through.

"That's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron!"- Optimus Prime challenges Megatron to a duel to the death, and Megatron asks him why he'd throw away his life so recklessly.

"You, who are without mercy, now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff!"- Optimus Prime to Megatron.

"Bah Weep Grah-Nah Weep Ninny Bon."-The Universal Greeting as told by Kup.

"This is the end of the road, Galvatron!"- Rodimus Prime before he beats up Galvatron.

1.) So, these robots have been fighting for years....in the cartoon series the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons has been going on for MILLIONS of years! None of them have ever been destroyed until now! When Megatron and company attack the shuttle they kill several of the autobots that were featured on the TV show. How'd Megatron finally get the power to terminate another robot? He's been blasting them for years and they only got wounded. (The real reason is so they could   introduce the "New Autobot" toys)

2.) How the hell did Unicron sneak up on the autobot's Moonbase one? Its as big as a...moon! Even if Unicron can block sensors and stuff, didn't they see it? If another moon came at Earth, I think someone would see it! (And that's excluding the fact that something that massive would cause gravitational distortions that would be detected.)

3.) Here's a blatant Star Wars reference....after escaping Galvatron and his new decepticons on earth, Kup, the dinobots and Hot Rod take a breather on their shuttle. Hot Rod is sword fighting with a "Light Saber" against some sort of practice droid. Remind you of another movie?

4.) Considering the fact that space is really bucking fig, and that the autobots have their own problems to deal with and didn't even know Unicron existed, why didn't Unicron just go on his merry way eating planets far away from Earth and Cybertron? He knows that the matrix can destroy him, so why even mess around with the robots? If Unicron had left Megatron alone he could be chowing down on someone's planet right now!

NUDITY AND SEX: Of course not!

HUH?: There are certain things in Sci-fi and horror movies that require a large suspension of disbelief. We all know that...but when watching an animated movie...especially a movie made for kids....one has to accept some basic rules in suspending disbelief. Mainly because kids won't really wonder about some of the discrepencies so adults just have to bear with them. like

A) Really big things- Unicron is as big as, well, a planet! something that big and massive would generate gravity. Merely by coming to close to inhabited worlds would cause problems, but Unicron is able to actually sneak up on planets without being seen until the last possible moment! and I'm not a physicist, but if a person were as big as a planet (which is impossible, humanoid body structure wouldn't be able to support that kind of wieght) I'm certain that person wouldn't be able to STAND on the planet.

B) The fact that Space is called SPACE for a reason- Science fiction fans have been spoiled by shows like star trek, where the distances between planets means little. But for the sake of storytelling, we all have learned to live with it. But in kid's movie, like this one, not only do the heroes travel back and fourth to Cybertron rather easily, they also discover TWO other planets on the trip! And it takes little to no time to reach any of them!

C) Good Guys vs Bad Guys- In movies made for adults, even animated movies, you need to explain the motives of the characters. Yes, the motives for the Transformers characters was spelled out in the TV show...but what are they in this movie? Why do the Junkions decide to help the autobots? Because they're all good guys. Why does Prime hesitate in shooting Megatron? Because he's the hero and in a kids movie the hero can't just kill the bad guy when the bad guy is helpless. Why do the autobots even have a base on earth? Because they are "our friends". Even though their very presence puts earth directly in the middle of their war, since they're the good guys they're allowed to stay.

Well, according to this movie, earth is the only planet that has ORGANIC life. Every other creature we see in this flick is mechanical in nature. (Okay, maybe the Quintessons are cyborgs, I don't know....in the cartoon shows after the movie its established that the Quintessons created the Autobots and the Decepticons.)

In the first episodes of the Transformers TV show (which I actually saw on TV as a sort of TV movie once) all of the autobots could fly. In later episodes and this movie the only autobots that could fly were the ones that changed into a flying vehicle, like Springer. (Springer was one of the "triple formers" he could change into a helicopter, a car of some sort and a robot) Why the change? I suspect it was obvious even to children that it made little sense for the autobots to turn into ground vehicles and drive every place they had to go if they could fly. My nephew, when he was a young kid and a big fan of the transformers, told me once that the autobots could fly, but weren't good at it, so they weren't a match for the decepticons in the air. But I'll go with the explanation on the TV show. In one episode some autobots traveled back in time to their home planet, Cybertron. Megatron had just been created and the autobots marveled that the new decepticons could fly, indicating that they can't. (Yet, in the first episode, Optimus Prime and some others flew!)

Were they that hard up to sell new toys? Why kill of Optimus Prime? Some of the other autobots I can understand. The toys for Wheeljack, Iron hide and Ratchet probably weren't selling well so nobody cared too much when they got toasted. But Prime? He was the hero!

THE TALLY: Though it may be hard for a non-cartoon lover to understand I think the basic sci-fi lover will be able to like this movie. At least some of the characters die and a few "damns" are heard. Hmmm, there may be some who don't think that's appropriate for children, but I think hiding children from things like isn't a good idea. Its not excessive and the movie is kinda fun. Definitely a must see if your an 80's 'toon fan!