Uncle Sam

THE STORY: Low budget. Bad acting. Poor script. But on the flip side of that this is the kind of movie that begs to be judged by the Inferno. At least its one of my favorite kinds. Its definitely a bad movie, but its so bad its entertaining to watch!

Master Sergeant Sam Harper is killed by friendly fire in Kuwait during the Gulf War. Back home in what turns out to be a sort of "Anytown" USA (I think the name is Woodsboro) life goes on. Sam has a sister, a nephew, Jody, and widow there. His widow, Mrs. Harper and the sister, whose name I didn't write down are practically interchangeable. They both were so poorly fleshed out and similar looking that there were times when I couldn't tell which was which. So we'll just call the sister Mom, (since she's Jody's mother) and the widow Mrs. Harper.

Sam's body is found by Kuwaiti soldiers. The US has it shipped back home so his family can bury him. Jody, the nephew idolized his Uncle Sam, and thought he was a great war hero. This he believes even though we are told that Jody was really too young to remember Sam well last time he saw him and according to everyone else Sam was a Class-A dickweed. The only thing weirder than Jody's hero worship is the fact that Sam's body is intact at all. What's it been, several years, since he was killed? His body was burnt to a crisp in the crash that downed 'copter he was in. After being in the desert for a few years (and even though its a dry heat, it gets HOT! I'm talking from personal experience, folks) I'd think his body would have decomposed. But no, its just all [unwrite]ed up looking.

Almost everyone else in this movie is a creep in some fashion. There's the scummy Senator, the draft-dodging teacher, the unscrupulous lawyer, the jerkweed Army sergeant and several disrespectful teens. While Sam's body lies in state in his sisters living room (Isn't there a funeral parlor in this town? who would want the body in the freaking house?) we see these other characters do a lot of unpatriotic things. So does Jody. Being a weird little [unwrite] Jody is constantly talking back to grownups about how Sam wouldn't do things like that because he's an American hero. during Sam's funeral, Jed, an old retired army hero that Sam idolized tells Jody how Sam was just a mean guy, not really a hero. Jody doesn't really believe that.

Somehow when some teens burn a flag on Sam's grave one night this brings Sam's body to life. Sam then goes out into the night and finds a peeping tom on stilts. apparently this guy, Willy, is going to be Uncle Sam in the upcoming fourth of July picnic, because he's dressed as Uncle Sam. Well, you won't be suprised to learn that Sam kills him and takes his costume. Then he goes on a rampage during the 4th of July picnic. At this point we meet Barry. Barry is another kid, around Jody's age that was blinded by a fireworks accident at a previous picnic. For some unexplained reason Barry has a psychic link with Sam and knows that he is the one killing people during the picnic. ( In true Movie Universe logic, despite the fact that people are being murdered the Mayor refuses to stop the picnic.) After Sam kills a slimy senator that is visiting the town, Jody, Barry and Jed set a trap for him with an antique cannon. Using Jody as bait they manage to blow Sam to bits.

Hey, I never said it made sense. This movie is low-low budget, but that's not what makes it so piss-poor. The acting is passable with the exception of Jody and Barry. Jody has absolutely NO EMOTION in anything he says. Its also obvious this kid has some issues. He should be in the care of a psychiatrist, the way he keeps going on about Sam being a hero and all. Barry's character makes no sense at all. I think he was written into the script as late as he was just to help end the movie. but its still doesn't explain where his psychic powers are coming from or how Sam came back to life in the first place. The best performance in the movie was Isaac Hayes as Jed. I almost expected him to start singing "My man Sam is one bad mutha---".

Best Lines: "Damn kids! Go home to your mamas!"- Jed tries to get Barry and Jody to go home.

"You have to be dead first....are you volunteering?"-Sam's response when Jody tells him he wanted to be like him.

1.) Hooookay....any person that's read any of my other reviews of movies that involve the military knows that I'll go off about any thing the movies get wrong. Well, the Staff Sergeant that tells Mrs. Harper about the Kuwaitis finding Sam's body is out of whack. first, I'm fairly certain that an officer would be the one to deliver that kind of news. I could be wrong about that, but the army does have people to do that...its basically their job tell you when your loved one got smoked. Most likely a chaplain would be the person to do this. But I'm not 100% certain of that (about 90%) so I won't go into it. The Staff sergeant does do a few things wrong.

Number One. Why wait outside all night for Mrs. Harper to come home? That just seems plain stupid. I had to get that out of the way.

Number Two. Where's this guy's hat? He wasn't carrying it. He wasn't wearing it. Despite what you see in the movies, military personnel must have a hat on when in uniform and outside. There are certain times when this isn't so, but none apply to the scene in question. He also doesn't have a nametag on his uniform. I just want to add this....it doesn't happen in the movie, but I want to let you know that men in the army are not allowed to use umbrellas while in uniform. Do you know how many times I've gotten soaked because of that rule! Stupid, &*#$@ rule!

Number Three. He has his hands in his pockets. No. Military personnel are not allowed to have their hands in their pockets unless they are retrieving an item from the pocket. Especially personnel that interact with the public. Its an image thing and the army is pretty serious about it. Now, the Air force is lax about things like that, but the marines or the army? No way.

2.) This kid Jody is twisted. Now using myself as an example, I NEVER thought that war was glorious as a child. its necessary at times to use force, but I never liked the idea of killing people and I liked the prospect of being shot at even less. During desert storm a miscommunication almost led to me shooting an Arab dude by mistake. He was in our perimeter and I was told that no Saudi nationals were allowed on the compound at that time and to look out for terrorists. This guy drove up in a truck. I forcefully made the guy lay on his stomach in the sand with a gun to his head while I radioed HQ....only to find out he was delivering water. The watch commander forgot to inform me he was coming. I almost shot this man. If he had even sneezed I'd have blown his [unwrite]ing head off. And he was an innocent man, doing his job. He probably had a family. He was terrified that I was going to kill him and who could blame him? I had a loaded M16 pointed at the back of his skull! So I don't think war is glorious or anything like that. Yeah, I'll still go and fight, 'cuz its my job. I'll even blow some guys away if I have to. But its not a game, its not pretty and its nothing to be happy about.

3.) The punk kid that purposely screws up singing the National Anthem is a little unbelievable. This is a small town and everyone knows everybody else. Why make a spectacle of the national anthem on the 4th of July? I'm not saying that a punk kid wouldn't do it...but it would take a pretty big [unwrite]head to do it.

4.) Getting back to the Jody is a twisted little [unwrite] angle, if was my kid he would have to get a serious ass-whooping. He talks back too much and he needs psychiatric help. Little jerkweed.

5.) Get the freaking [unwrite] outta here! The antique cannon used to dispatch Sam is total bull[unwrite]. First, where did Jed get the ammo for it? Most cannons like that are used for ornaments in front of government buildings. Secondly how could he possible aim it? He hits Sam not once, but twice and that's just too unbelievable!

NUDITY AND SEX: A female is seen nude when a peeping tom snoops on her changing.

HUH?: Sam was supposed to have been a Master Sergeant but his body has a uniform of a Sergeant first class. How hard could it have been to have fixed that mistake? Stupid screwups like that make me really mad. A school kid can find out how many stripes mean a master sergeant and how many mean a sergeant first class. The insignia can be bought at a local Army-Navy Surplus store. Yet the moronic makers of this movie couldn't do this?

Exactly how did Sam come back to life? Its never explained.

Barry reacts to Sam's destruction as if he actually saw it....but how can that be? The kid is supposed to be blind! Honestly he's only slightly less annoying than Jody.

THE TALLY: Fans of bad movies should go rent this. Its not anything special, rather like drinking a flat beer. It'll help quench the thirst, but it won't taste too good. But as far as crappy flicks go this one can be slightly amusing.