Under Siege II: Dark Territory

THE STORY: The best Steven Seagal movie that I've ever seen was Under Siege. So its understandably that I'd think Under Siege II would be just as good. Wrong. You see, Under Siege had a little trick to it. The bad guys thought that Seagal's character, Casey Ryback was a mere cook. When it was discovered to their dread, and the audience's delight that he was a top notch but disgraced Navy SEAL commando dude that added to the thrill. The prob with this movie is we all know from the first one that Ryback is bad as hell. And the story doesn't help that.

Ryback is escorting his niece, Sarah, to L.A. on a vacation. His brother, her father, was killed recently in a plane crash. That's all the details we get about that. But there's a terrorist plot afoot. A crazy scientist named Travis Dane has faked his own death and commandeered control of a killer satellite weapon. In order to exercise that control he has to be on a moving object, like a train. (I didn't write it, so bear with me) He just happens to seize control of the same train that Ryback and Sarah are on.

This would take more effort if it wasn't a Seagal movie. Dane has a mercenary named Penn and his men as muscle. Ryback kills almost all of them single handedly. He has to stop Dane before he can use the satellite (called GRAZER) to blow up Washington DC. I say it would take more effort sans Seagal because Seagal is always unbeatable in his movies. Ryback wades through these guys like its nothing. His clothes aren't even [unwrite]ed up by the time of the final showdown....even though he's been shot at, thrown from a moving train, climbed up a rock face...etc. At least Captain Kirk's shirt used to get ripped and he got a bloody lip sometimes. Ryback can seemingly do stunts that put Indiana Jones to shame and not muss his hair. The final fight with Penn is underwhelming. Ryback killed him easily and beat him so badly I felt sorry for the bad guy! It made the hero look like a sadistic asshole to beat the primary heavy literally to death.

Its not a total loss. If you just want to watch a movie and let the hero win with no real challenges, this is something you might like.

Best Lines: "The only thing I have in my pocket...is your ass!" Bobby when he pulls a gun and kills one of the terrorists.

"Tits to die for, huh?" Ryback as he clobbers a bad guy. The bad guy was distracted by a female hostage's bosom.

1.) What kind of trench coat is the general putting on? It may suprise some, but the military has uniform trenchcoats. The General should be wearing a blue Air force Trenchcoat with his rank on the shoulders. (For the curious, the army has black ones, the marines wear beige ones and the navy...I'm not sure...the navy has about sixteen dozen different uniforms anyway...)

2.) Good Lord! Its a common thing in Seagal's movies to have the bad guys comment on how super his character is...but I still wasn't prepared for it. When the bad guys realize that Casey Ryback is the one causing them grief they all have a conversation like this... (I'm paraphrasing, but not by much)...

"Its Casey [unwrite]ing Ryback!"

"Who is Casey [unwrite]ing Ryback?"

"He was my SEAL team instructor!"

"He's an expert on anti-terrorist tactics!"

"He invented warfare!"

"He told Sun Tzu how to write the art of War!"

"He's the best there is!"

"Ryback's the baddest, coolest mother[unwrite]er that ever lived!"

"I saw him lift a truck once!"

"He's immune to all forms of torture, disease and radiation!"

"He's as strong as the Hulk!"

"He has the power of a million Bruce Lee's!"

Give me a [unwrite]ing break

3.) Dane is all upset when he loses the CD. I guess he never thought of Backups....seeing how he's a computer genius and all.

4.) CIA Chief Breaker is presented as a real dickhead, but I couldn't help but chuckle when he tried to get a date with Captain Gilder. I'm sure he wondered "Why doesn't she want to go out with me?" Gee, Mr. Breaker, maybe its the cigarette you're waving in her face. That'd be my first guess, other than the fact you look like a creep and we find out later that you're married with children!

5.) Bobby the porter not only kills the female mercenary but he also manages to climb into a flying helicopter and force the merc pilot at gunpoint to do his bidding. All this with no training whatsoever.  I know Delta Force guys that would balk at that task. Yet bobby does it...easily. Right.

NUDITY AND SEX:  none

HUH?: Though the whole movie is filled with things that are implausible I think I'll focus on the sheer idiocy of Travis Dane's plan. He wants to use GRAZER to blow up Washington DC. and have various enemy nations pay him a billion bucks. But he lets the Joint chiefs of Staff know he's behind the theft of GRAZER. Consider this...if he had succeeded and  from dialogue we can conclude that he planned to live in Switzerland with his bankroll...how safe do you think he'd be? How long do you think he'd live? Even if the Swiss maintained their neutrality after the destruction of the US capitol Dane would be dead meat. Every resource in America would be geared towards his painful and lingering demise...and US allies would most likely be after him too....and that's not to mention the many nations and people on the planet that would just be downright appalled at the mass destruction he caused for GREED. Its a stupid plan. There's no way he could have any kind of peace after he pulled it off.

Just from a common sense point of view how could the authorities not know where Captains Trilling and Gilder were? If they both have super secret codes that allow access to GRAZER they'd have to let their superiors know their whereabouts even if they were on a holiday. I don't know anything as secret as that but even when I take leave I have to let my superiors know where I'm going and how to reach me. If one of my soldiers is on leave they are required to leave an address and phone number to reach them at...and I want to know where they're going! That's standard! So how can these two officers take off and not let anyone know where they are considering they have vital information that should be protected?

There's no point in making fun of any heroic thing Ryback does. Seagal's characters are always invincible so if the movie needs him to single-handedly beat the [unwrite] out of Godzilla we have to accept it. That really diminishes the fun in Seagal's movies though. He's too perfect in them. Even Superman had kryptonite for Christ Sakes.

They don't help matters having the Admiral on the Joint Chiefs of Staff say "Casey Ryback's on that train?" I mean, come on...the admiral knows this guy, personally? Is Ryback so [unwrite]ing super-duper that the JCoS know him by name alone....like they don't have any other men under their command. Oh, ick.

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: If you're a big Seagal fan or if you just can't stand fallible heroes this is the flick for you. Otherwise save your bucks and rent something else where the hero isn't a freakin' God of War.