THE STORY: Its always a shame when you rent a b-movie that's lacking. Because if you like b-movies like I do you know that the expectations aren't really that high. If the budget is low a b-flick might make up for that with an original idea, or dialogue that's so good...or so bad its good...that you can overlook the shortcomings. This flick came close to it for me...almost close enough to win three devils...but alas, the dialogue in the first third of the movie almost killed me.

Well, I'm exaggerating. But it must have been pretty bad when I watched a rerun of King of the Hill on my other TV with the sound off (The one where Hank's medical photo ends up in an art gallery if you wanna know) ....because this movie failed to capture my attention!  That's pretty bad! (I could go on to say it was so bad that I didn't bother to turn the extra TV off, but I'll cut the movie some slack.)

Elizabeth Le Fay is a rich college student, who happens to be a descendant of an evil witch. The witch, Lilith, was burned at the stake 400 years in the past for being the devil's girlfriend. Now Elizabeth plans on avenging her crispy ancestor. She invites her college buddies, Jack, Jennifer, Maria, Brad, Scott, Tony and Janet over to the family mansion for a party. (Her parents are away) There are also two other people that have names I don't remember. They got to the mansion first and died first so they really don't matter. The people Liz invited are descendants of the families that burned Lilith. So it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that their deaths are part of the party festivities.

Now, we all know that this is a used plot. A bunch of twenty-something people trapped in a mansion with a vengeful witch/ghost/monster/demon? Hey, been there, done that. And you can't be disappointed by it....if you bother to read the box you'll see what it is. That's no problem. I just wanted the movie to be interesting. If the plot wasn't original I expected some cool characters and maybe some skin. Well, the characters weren't interesting. Jack, who turns out to be the hero reminded me of a guy I went to college with. Every five minutes he's bringing up the fact that he's an Applied Science major (is that a major? No matter, it obvious science is going to save his bacon...or else he'd shut up about it.) The guy I went to college with (who shall remain nameless) also had the same problem with dealing with women....like Jack talking to Jennifer, he couldn't talk to Dana without saying something goofy. (oops said too much...but dammit, I didn't ask Dana out because I knew he liked her! Dork.) The implied romance between Jack and Jennifer is done with a crowbar. I don't need to hear ridiculous dialogue from them to get the idea.

To be be up front the only character I really ended up liking was the one I thought I'd hate at the beginning...Janet. She reminded me of my old friend Rockin' Randi. Janet was a to- the-point, foul mouthed rock & roll slut but seemed like a lotta fun at the right party. Plus she had the best lines. To juxtapose this Tony had the worst. He says "Dude" every few seconds. But then Tony is a drug addict...a particularly lame one, which makes you wonder how he got into college in the first place. The actress that played Elizabeth was...adequate. for this movie. And that's only because her delivery was so "I'm reading a cue card and trying to look spooky and evil" that it made me chuckle. I had to ask myself this though...why didn't Elizabeth summon Lilith's vengeful spirit before her friends got to the house? Then she could just relax while her evil ancestor made mincemeat out of them. Or maybe not...since Lilith couldn't bet these losers, I wonder how she came to be dangerous 400 years ago.

And what the hell is this thing with Witches that float on air? I mean, I just saw the Doorway recently and maybe its just me, but it seems to be a common theme. I expect (and god help us all if I'm right) for Blair witch III: We Want More of Your Money to feature the witch herself chasing more annoying morons through the woods while she floats three feet off of the ground.

Close...so close. Trivia: the  actor that played Tony, Dave Oren Ward was killed by stab wound over a traffic incident in 1999.

Best Lines: "Tony and I are going to make like a baby and head out so get your goddamned clothes on and we can all do it together."- Janet to what she thinks are Scott and Maria. I've never heard the term "make like a baby and head out"...its kinda cool. I'll have to use it at work someday.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Out of all of the times you've been invited to a friends house for a party, have you ever just decided it would be a good idea to find a bedroom and have sex with your girl or boyfriend? (Actually that probably happens more than I thought it would when I typed that.) Maybe I'm a prude....I mean, I'd be pretty pissed off if some friends of mine just decided to have sex in my [unwrite]ing bed without even really asking me.

2.) Elizabeth is hardly around after her guests first arrive. Doesn't anyone find that strange that the hostess leaves them on their own for what seems like hours. (Trust me, it damn sure felt like hours for me)

3.) Get the living [unwrite] outta here! Jennifer makes the conclusion that all of the guests are descendants of the ancient witchhunters rather easily. All Jack tells her is that his folks were originally from the area! That has nothing to do with anyone else!! Its a little far fetched in any case....can anyone really claim to be living in the same town that their ancestors 400 years ago lived in? Most people don't even [unwrite]ing know where their ancestors were 400 years ago!

4.) Everyone hears the death scream of Maria throughout the house. Jack and Jennifer get the heebie jeebies for two seconds and then start discussing their budding love life. What the hell? They just heard a bloodcurdling scream and this is after they've concluded that they might be in danger. Why are they talking about puppy love like two high school freshmen at a school dance?

5.) If you've seen this movie riddle me this...how come Janet all of a sudden turns into a demon? I mean, if Lilith can turn the victims into demons so easily, why bother chasing Jack and Janet around? Just possess them and be done with it! If evil were this incompetent in real life the world would be a true Utopia!

NUDITY AND SEX:  No real nudity, but Maria and Scott have sex. (if nary a nipple was exposed it must have been during King of the Hill. Boring ass movie.)

HUH?:  These people are in Elizabeth's house for a party...so where's the party? I've seen people having more fun at a wake. They're not doing anything...just sitting around talking. There's not even any food or drinks out for the guests. No Wonder Elizabeth's a weirdo. with party habits like this she couldn't possible have had very many friends in her life.

When did Tony and Janet find out about the names in the Le Fay family bible? Its only minutes after Jack and Jennifer make the connection, but they're not in the same room with Tony! Its possible Tony might have seen the list earlier in the movie when I was overcome with boredom, but I doubt it.

Just when someone does something halfway cool, the stupid ass script has them do something uncool enough to cancel out the action, like antimatter. When the witch attacks Janet and Tony, Janet does the unexpected. The witch shoots lightning or something and knocks Tony down but Janet hauls off and lands a haymaker on the creepy bitch, knocking her into another room. At this point I thought Janet was going to try and fight the witch and inevitably lose...but Janet closes the door to the room where the witch fell and locks it! Cool! But then, after making sure Tony is alright they have a mini discussion over the incident. Right outside the door where the witch is locked up. Uh-huh. Given the fact that they saw a WITCH, that floats on the AIR and SHOOTS LIGHTNING, wouldn't a normal thinking person figure that it'd be better to "make like a baby and head out" than stand there yammering about it? (Unbelievably Tony asks if Janet thinks that was the witch from Elizabeth's story.)

Jack's cross holds the witch at bay while he and Jennifer escape...but when they are confronted by a possessed Janet she uses magic rays to vaporize the cross! Wow! But after that Jennifer deflects the magic rays with a TEA TRAY! Are we to believe that the tea tray is more proof against the powers of darkness than a cross? (Maybe that Earl Grey guy was on to somethin')

Did I miss something? How come Janet isn't sure why she invited to the party earlier in the movie when Jack discovers the names of their ancestors, but during the final conflict she tells Elizabeth that she's the descendant of the almost sacrificed baby 400 years ago? She either knew that from the start or she didn't...you can't have it both ways.

THE FINAL JUDGEMENT: This movie starts off rather tediously. Your individual mileage will vary, but it was hard for the Inferno to maintain interest through the first half hour or so. Basically, the dialogue that was supposed to hip and cool from the mouths of our hip and cool characters was stupid. Still, it was a worthy effort done on what seems to be a low budget. (its a Full Moon pic, what d'ya expect?) If you can tolerate b-movies and can make it through the first third of the movie without passing out, hit it.