An American Werewolf in Paris

THE STORY: An American Werewolf in London was a pretty enjoyable movie. So I wrongly expected An American Werewolf in Paris to be pretty good too. Ouch! I was wrong. This is the kind of movie that can only appeal to people that watch way too much MTV. While it does have its good bits its pretty stupid.

First of all why is the movie set in Paris? Nothing...and I mean nothing integral to the story is particularly Parisian. The Eiffel Tower? Heck, any tall structure could have served in its stead. Jim Morrison's Grave? Hmmmph! Any cemetery would have done! For that matter placing the movie in Maryland or *anywhere* else would have helped since the scenes involving the Eiffel Tower and Morrison's Grave are pretty stupid and well, impossible if you think about or if you've ever been to those places.

Andy, Brad and Chris are three American students on a tour of Europe. They've been travelling around doing stunts like bungee jumping. I guess they're all rich, since they can afford all of this travelling. Anyway, Andy's big stunt is to jump off of the Eiffel Tower. (bungee jump). The three stooges hide in the tower until after closing and when Andy is about to pull his stunt they see Serafina, a young French woman leap off the tower trying to commit suicide. Andy saves her by jumping after her, catching her, lowering her gently to the ground and then busting his head on the side of the tower when his bungee cord snaps him back up. Uh, yeah....right. See below for the utter disdain I have for this ridiculous scene.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Andy is obsessed with finding Serafina while he recovers in the hospital. Chris and Brad help him out and they actually do find her. Serafina is thankful that Andy saved her, but hesitant to see him. A man named Claude that knows Serafina invites them all to a party in some broken down building. But Claude is Evil...EVIL! You see, he's a werewolf. Serafina's a werewolf. Claude's buddies are werewolves. To make it worse they're neo-nazi werewolves! Well, not Serafina. Somehow Claude used her blood or something to become a werewolf, but she's not a nazi or evil. When Serafina learns that Claude has invited Andy and company to his little party she rushes there and rescues Andy. Not in time really, because Claude and company have transformed and started to eat people. Andy gets bitten but taken to safety by Serafina.  Brad (or Chris...I ain't sure which one) dies as the wolves tear him to bits. Then we get into some rather lengthy and actually boring scenes where Andy discovers he's a werewolf and all that stuff. It wasn't very interesting, it was juvenile. I swear this movie was probably made to be shown on MTV.

Now in American Werewolf in London, the victims transformation into a werewolf was darkly humorous and entertaining. In this movie its not. The ghosts of werewolf victims haunting Andy are silly. Why is his dead friend haunting him anyway? Andy didn't kill him! How can Andy see the ghost of Serafina's mother? He didn't kill her either! So much for continuity.

The gist of the story is that Serafina's parents were trying to cure her from becoming a wolf. They developed a serum that can control the transformation (by transforming her into a wolf despite if the moon is full? What the...?) but Claude steals it. Claude is luring American tourists to his parties and killing them when he and his friends become wolves. Naturally, Serafina and Andy stop him, Andy becomes a wolf and eats Claude's heart, curing him of being a werewolf. There's more...lots more...but to be honest I don't want to remember it and I ain't watching this sad little flick again. It lacks the charm and wit of the original and to be honest I think its insultingly stupid. I'd rather watch grass grow than this movie.

Still, its not the worst movie I've seen....but its among the top number of movies with wasted potential. Remember when I said this flick could take place anywhere? It could! Paris is a lovely city and so much more could have been done to make it seem like Paris! At least in AWIL the fact that the protagonist was in London was integral to the story. In this movie the only thing Parisian about it was the Eiffel Tower! (Morrison's grave? Who gives a [unwrite]?) Everyone spoke english, even though they were in France, most of the scenes could have been said to be in any city and Julie Delpy who is French sounded like she had to fake her accent! What a waste. I don't want to think about it anymore.

Best Lines: "I spent on Stairmaster to get a package like this...you ripped through it like a lamb chop!"-Amy's undead spirit.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) The big stunt in this movie is when Andy bungee jumps off of the Eiffel Tower and saves Serafina from hitting the ground. I have a big prob with that scene though. First off, I just recently went to Paris and the Eiffel Tower. I have a hard time believing that Andy and his buddies could have hid out in the tower until after closing. The tower is probably the number one tourist attraction in Paris (Maybe the Louvre is, or even Notre Dame, but suffice it to say the Tower is pretty important to the French) Without a doubt its guarded even after closing. Secondly the Eiffel Tower slopes outward at the bottom, so if you jump from the top floor you're going to hit the girders going down. Third...remember the godawful scene in Star trek: The Final Frontier where Spock catches a falling Kirk? Ever wonder how all the built up inertia didn't kill Kirk? I wondered that too, and I wondered it during this flick. Add to that how'd Andy catch up with Serafina when she jumped? Did he fall faster? Do the laws of physics cease to exist around the Eiffel Tower?

2.) Andy takes to many things as a joke. If I meet a person that tells me that they are a werewolf I'll just think I met a crazy person. But if I get chased by a 7 foot walking upright dog-thing and the next day wake up with some very strange acting girl and she tells me its a werewolf that was after me...I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt.

3.) Why would a policeman following Andy have a little dog with him?

4.) So, if a cursed person can un-werewolf himself by eating the heart of the werewolf that bit him, is Serafina still a werewolf? Every full moon in her married life to Andy does she lock herself in the basement? I guess he'd have it easier than most of us married shmucks...at least his wife locks herself away when its that time of the month! (Sorry....that was crude.)

5.) Andy and Serafina get married and bungee jump off of the statue of Liberty at the end. Right.

NUDITY AND SEX: Julia Delpy removes her shirt.

HUH?: So someone clue me in...who's paying Andy's hospital bill and why aren't he and his stupid friends being exported? Its not like Chris and Brad could tell the cops he fell down and hit his head. He jumped off of the Eiffel Tower!

So what exactly is Claude's evil plan? Simply kill all the Americans that come to his parties? I don't get it....if he's a skinhead or neo nazi why is he killing these people seemingly at random?

Also, do these werewolves retain their human intellect when they transform? It can't work either way...if they do, then why does Serafina lock herself up during a full moon? She wouldn't have too if she remained "human" in mind. Hell, if I turned into a super powerful werewolf at the full moon, but kept my human intellect I'd go out and fight crime! On the other hand if the werewolves don't retain their intellect Claude's plans are kind of stupid. It's gotta be hard to organize the destruction of society when you have a brain the size of a small orange.

Andy and Amy do the wild thing on Jim Morrison's grave. Now, I don't know much about Jim Morrison, but isn't that really disrespectful of the dead? I wonder how they got in the cemetery in the first place. During my recent trip to Paris a few people in our tour group went out on their own to see Morrison's grave and arrived at the cemetery around sunset. They told me a policemen guarding the gate told them the place was closing and wouldn't let them in. Even when they said they only wanted to go in for fifteen minutes...the guard threatened to arrest them if they didn't go away!!! But magically Andy and Amy get into this cemetery and have sex! (I've asked this in other reviews, but I'll ask again...do people really have sex in graveyards? How hard up for a bed can you be to do that?)

Gee, in American Werewolf in London, David dies at the end. He wanted to die because of his guilt about the murders he committed as a werewolf. Serafina and Andy get married and live happily ever after! Guess Andy doesn't feel too bad about killing Amy or the policeman.

THE TALLY: If you're easily entertained rent this movie. If you're not, avoid it. This movie frustrated me to the point that I almost didn't review it. Watching it is like drinking really weak Kool-Aid...you know you're supposed to be tasting something but there just ain't nothin' to it. The only positive thing I can say is it was better than the Howling: New Moon Rising...but then again getting hit with a 2x4 was better than that.