The 1st INFERNAL GRUDGE MATCH!
Time Machine (1960) vs Time Machine (2002)
Welcome to the Inferno-Dome! Here movies in Dreaded Depths that are too similar, too unyielding, duke it out for supremacy. Whether they have similar themes or one is a remake or "redefining" of the other, they must fight to see who is worthy of the Infernal Championship! Sitting in judgment of this bout, my Terrible Trio, 'Stache, Banshee and Jet Jaguar. There will be no arguing with the judges...their decision is final.
The Bell rings and our two fighters step forward. Time Machine (1960) Directed by George Pal. Weighing in with an Oscar Award for best special Effects in 1961 and nominated for a best Dramatic Presentation Hugo award in the same year, stands against its opponent, Time Machine (2002), directed by Simon Wells, the Great Grandson of H.G. Wells. At this time no awards have been given to it.
'STACHE (Arch-duchess of the Inferno):
Well, it looks like the 2002 version of this film is coming out strong, landing
a flurry of blows on its predecessor powered by the technology of current
special effects! This may turn out to be a massacre! Ooh.....that shot of a
devastated moon effect packs a wallop! And its gonna leave a bruise!
BANSHEE (Commander of the Infernal
Legions): No, wait...I don't think so, 'Stache....TM1960 is putting up an
admirable defense with outdated, but serviceable FX....they're kind of quaint.
Besides, the corny but effective time lapse effect TM1960 is blocking much of
the blows!
JET JAGUAR (Defender of all that is
cool): Those defenses are proving themselves, my plump compadre....it
seems that TM2002 can't keep up the steam, depending on FX
alone...besides...don't those Morlocks look kinda phony? Don't get me
wrong...its definitely a good job, but they remind me of the Crypt-Keeper.
'STACHE: Well, the 1960 version
Morlocks aren't the height of make up either....
JET JAGUAR: Whoa....wait...that
doesn't matter anymore! Look! TM1960 is retaliating with the charisma of the
primary character...this might get ugly folks....But 2002 is deflecting with
having the director as the GREAT GRANDSON of the legendary H.G. Wells!
'STACHE: Yikes! Guy Pearce isn't
all that bad, but his Alex character is a real jerk....I mean, come on...this
guy's motivations were too cookie cutter...at least George in the 1960 version
had a severe case of Egg-head-ism to motivate him....and a cause to fight for by
the end. I don't think the Great Grandson thing is holding up, Jet Jaguar.
BANSHEE: True...true, my half mustached friend. I guess this fight is
gonna all lay down to the storyline.....the relation to H.G. Wells isn't helping
TM2002.....it was a trump card, and it turned out to be a joker....
'STACHE: You got it,
Banshee....For my 2 cents I think the 1960's version kicked major ass on this
upstart. The hero had more presence and there wasn't the tired old "Gotta
resurrect my old DEAD love" thing going on....A purpose I might add, that Alex
seemingly abandoned by mid-film.
BANSHEE: We are in agreement,
old one....the eye candy of the new millennium's version just doesn't cut the
proverbial mustard with me, or my Infernal Troops. Besides, it looks like TM1960
is now monkey stomping TM2002 with a better ending. Wow...this is brutal, guys.
JET JAGUAR: I think this
concludes the match you two. It looks like Time Machine 1960 has won! Yes, 1960
is walking out of the Inferno-Dome, while 2002 is picking up its teeth from the
floor! While I hate to kick someone while they're down, I must proceed....For
the gall of trying to usurp a classic sci-fi story and movie, TM2002 will be
sentenced to a century of community service, assigned to cleaning the jock
straps of the Infernal Hordes at the Infernal Gymnasium and Coffee Bar. A
fitting punishment for the loser....those demons are a sweaty lot.
And so the judges have spoken! Time Machine 1960 wins after a quick but brutal fight. Be sure to join our judges, Stache, Banshee, and Jet Jaguar for the next Infernal Grudge Match between Planet of the Apes (original) and Planet of the apes (remake). Until then...Good fight...good night!
Back to the Infernal Main Page!
Disagree with the judges? Send an Infernal Email to Dante!