Ther Infernal Mailbox

FROM: Pete RE: Beat the hell out of me

Who is the chick that play's Chalmers, I have the movie.

Pete

Um, Pete? what the hell are you talking about? Listen, the answer can be found on the IMDb. (and every review in the inferno contains a link to it) Also, since you didn't even tell me what movie you're talking about, how the hell am I supposed to know? If you have the movie why don't you just read the credits?

FROM Sandra RE: Horror Express

I believe the train in this movie was a miniature originally made for Nicholas and Alexandra. The producers of HE bought it cheap, and then came up with a story to fit it. It's not a great movie, but watching cheap horror movies is like panning for gold: you have to sift through a lot of mud to get a few grains of gold. And there are a few in HE. What keeps you going is that once in a blue moon, you find a nugget, like The Hidden (that's the one where the alien parasite is making people committ crimes, and Kyle MacLachlan is the good alien shapeshifter tracking him down. It's probably the performance that made David Lynch cast him in Twin Peaks.). Perhaps we are supposed to think that Savalas is sleeping off a drunken orgy on the floor of the train station? That's a Cossak outfit he's wearing, though it should include a fur hat. Sandra

Man, Cossacks dressed like total wussies! And he was missing a fur hat? Ye Gods....

FROM: Mike Brooks RE: Freddy vs Jason

There really must have been some serious editing done to this film (probably in the script stage), but the characters in this film make leaps in logic that would give Evil Knieval pause. When the Scooby Gang discuss what's going on they jump to the conclusion that Freddy has used Jason to bring him back from the nether world...GOOD GUESS! They must have been watching the
beginning of the film with us viewers because at no point in the movie do they get uncover any clue that would lead them to this rather "out there"

Yeah, and its a shame that in these kinds of movies we're used to it. I didn't even think about that point until you mentioned it! Still, any movie with freddy and/or Jason wasn't made to give the audience something to think about.

FROM: MATT RE: Darkest Knight

Hi! I read your review and I have to say I was very disappointed. First off, Darkest Knight one isn't a series of episodes. It was the pilot. Second, even though the episodes are "stitched together" it doesn't mean that it's bad. Also, the reason why you never saw it on TV was because it was from England originally under the name Dark Knight, made about 2 or 3 years ago. Also, you shouldn't relate it to Lord of the Rings because they have totally different plots and Lord of the Rings is Hollywood! Also, they can't rip off names from a movie that hasn't been shown yet!!! And I don't think they'd copy off names from an old book! Also, it was kind of succsessful because it had two seasons, each with about 20 episodes. And how can you relate Mordour to Sarumon?!?! Sheesh! I'm only 12 and I love the series. You're probably not the right age. So the next time you write a review on something, look up more information first and try to talk about some of the good stuff in it!

Thanks,

Matt

Well, I understand you're only 12 Matt, so I'll leave my only statement to this....you don't think they'd copy names from an old book, do ya? Where did you think they got the Hero's name Ivanhoe from?

Hello.

I just saw your review on http://www.badmovieplanet.com about warlord 3000, directed bt Faruque Ahmed, I recently got fulltime job offer from this person for 150k per year. and I was thinking to move his studio and work with him, but I decide to read some review about him and I found your review, I just want to thank you about that, because I almost going to do a bad mistake :)

thanks again.-Cemre

Hmmmm....well, glad I could help, but hey, I'm not a professional critic. (Though Warlord 3000 did suck ass). If he's offering you a good paying job don't let the Inferno influence your decision. Hell, I'd work for him for 15oK a year!

I have to recommend one of the worst bad movies I've ever seen, I won't spoil the plot for you, but it's called Shark Attack 3: Megalodon And I have a copy, but it just sorely needs to be added to your archive of bad movies. PS, I don't know if I recommended this before, so do deal with it if I have...

So deal with it? Oh, that's rich. Well, I guess you'll have to deal with it if I don't watch Shark Attack 3. How d'ya like them apples? (Man, being polite in email is truly a lost art....jeez..."so deal with it"....grumble, grumble....)

I'm big fan of the Alan Moore Graphic novel and couldn't really understand the changes, and I don't mean stuff like adding Tom Sawyer just so there's an American in this picture, they complete changed the whole bloody plot. In the Moore's story it's Moriarty manipulating the League to fight Fu Man Chu, and he's not some stupid arms dealer with a phantom of the opera complex, he's the decrepit Napoleon of crime straight from Doyle's stories. Why they thought they needed a story where once again the hero has to save the world from plunging into war, when a more original one had been written. I personally think one villain conning a bunch of heroes in to taking out a rival crime lord is a great concept. Mina in the comic is not a vampire, she wears scarf to cover the bite marks in her neck, but that's it, she has no super powers just British pluck, and the ability to think and pull this group of misfits together. The invisible man is the original one from the Wells book (apparently it was a rights issue for why this was changed for the movie), he faked his death, and is quite insane. He spends his free time knocking up nuns in a convent, who think he's the Holy Ghost. The sequel would even make a better film as it combines War of the Worlds, John Carter of Mars, and the Island of Doctor Moreau.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who wished they'd spent much more time with Nemo. I'd gladly pay the price of admission and even donate to the cause if they'd give him his own movie. I've read the book and it's excellent. I usually prefer literary characters in books to their cinematic counterparts, but this time the movie's version is so much cooler.

Its a pipe dream, but wouldn't it be cool if they actually got the same actor and made a movie about Nemo's literary adventures? It probably won't happen....Hollywood doesn't seem to have too much respect for the core of written characters. Just this past year they've butchered Greek mythology with Troy, rewrote Arthurian legend with King Arthur and completely changed the story of Catwoman.

Read the book for the same reason you'd watch Deathstalker. Seriously, I consider Timeline to be the single worst novel I've ever read. Everything wrong with the movie is worse in the novel. NO questions are answered, and you get the added 'pleasure' of 10 or so utterly useless characters that we get full background on, only to NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. (The folks who pick up the guy in the desert and the doctors who examine him, for instance.) Anyway, kudos on a great website. I like the fact that they're reviews from a regular Joe, not some pretentuous film-school wanna-be director. (You should read some H P Lovecraft, though.. DAGON and RE-ANIMATOR are pretty close to the source material, and if you like the movies, I think you'd like them. They're not ecatly action-packed, focusing more on mood and atmosphere, but you'll quickly find that they inspired about 90% of modern horror!) (Though the movie DAGON is actually from the short story "The Shadow Over Innsmouth" and not the short story "Dagon".. Go figure.)

One of these days I may read the book, but yours is the first I've read about where someone didn't like it. Which tends to make me agree with you! (Meaning at least you don't bow down to popular opinion) Thanks for the kudos. You're right, I am a regular joe, and I have no knowledge of film other than what I read or study up on myself. I just like to let other regular Joes and Janes know what I think because....well, I got a big mouth....

That Iron Man issue #150 you spoke of is one of my favorite issues. I really enjoy that and the What If? story as well. Hopefully someone in Hollywood will green light an Iron Man movie. I had heard that Tom Cruise was interested in playing good 'ole Tony Stark. That would really suck if that happened.

I don't know....I don't think Tom Cruise would be that bad. But of course, it'll be the script that will make or break that movie if its ever made.

Hello there I found your website while trolling the net, its really great!! Anyway, in 28 Days Later you thought that it was odd that the apes at the research facility were in glass cages. I work in biomedical research, with mice, but I have seen apes and they are kept in plexiglass cages occasionally. Monkeys and apes have the disturbing habit of throwing poo, a plexiglass cage with ventilation holes controls this better than a wire one. This movie and Resident Evil are two of my favorite "Zombies and Bad Science" films. Last night I watched Dreamcatcher. Have you seen this? It was warped and gross and had holes in the plot you could drive a truck through. I'm no Steven King fan, but this was just an *awful* movie. Thanks a million for this site! Kim

Thanks for the letter, Kim. I've seen Dreamcatcher, and I quickly got bored with it. It might make it to Infernal Judgment sooner or later. Funny thing is, I never meant to watch it...I just happened to pick it up on a DVD binge one day.

You're a really poor critic. Ignorancy is the biggest sin of the net community. You ll be burning in the inferno for that! Marty

Uh...right. First of all, Ignorancy isn't a word. (Isn't it ironic...you want to call me ignorant and you can't even spell it....or at least use spell-check) Secondly, I never claimed to be a professional critic. And lastly, if you think I suck why do you even read the Inferno? Is there some magic browser magnet that drags you to the site when you log on? Guys like you make me laugh, you really do. Do you think you're somehow going to hurt my feelings? Get real. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.

Salve Infernal, Just gotta say THANK YOU for a f***ing great site! Your reviews kick ass, make me laugh as much as, if not more than, the movies themselves. Say, are you, by chance, on AIM Instant Messenger? I'd like to chat it up sometime soon (-er than later). My handle is NihilVitae. Thanks again, dude!

Kindest, ex N�hil, Arcades http://hushmonger.net "Something must happen�and that explains most human commitments. Something must happen, even loveless slavery, even war or death. Hurray then for funerals!" --Albert Camus

I never use Instant Messenger, sorry. But thanks for the email and the kudos. You didn't say anything about Killjoy, though.

FROM: Baxter de Wahl RE: Hurricane Smith

Hi there, I just stumbled across your site while searching for the English "one-hit-wonder" musician "Hurricane Smith" and got the Carl Weathers movie that you review. In answer to your question on that page, some Australians actually do still use the word "septic" to describe an American. The derivation is simple. Australians (like Cockneys) were once famous for rhyming slang. For instance "Noah's Ark" = shark, "Butcher's Hook" = look and "Bottle & Stopper" = copper. The expressions were further whittled down over time to only one word. For instance: "Give us a butcher's" (give me a look). A feature of many Aussie suburban backyards during the 20th century was the "Septic Tank" or sanitation tank, used in suburbs where sewerage pipes were yet to be installed. During WWII, Americans became colloquially known by Australians as "yanks" (my country's apologies to you if you're from the South) and from there the rhyming slang of "Septic Tanks" was a logical step. A further corruption or diminutive, "seppos", became popular during the 'fifties. Although the expression is no longer very popular (along with other Aussie standards like "Fair Dinkum") it still gets a run occasionally. For instance the captain of my indoor cricket team has forbidden the "high 5" on court because, quote, "It's seppo bull[unwrite]". Regards, Baxter de Wahl

My Space 1999 story: I watched the show religiously when I was kid; there was hardly any scifi anywhere to be found. But because we people tend to remember things that make sense (and have a hard time remembering nonsense), the way I remembered the series actually made more sense than the series actually did. To wit: "Dragon's Domain", where one of the survivors of the monster-of-the-week runs into the other room of the spaceship, and OPENS A CUPBOARD, and PULLS OUT AN AX? Yes, a cupboard. In a spaceship. With an ax in it. I remember that I hadn't seen the show for years, so imagine my glee when I visited New Orleans back in 1995 with a friend. We stayed at this guys house who happened to have SciFi channel; he had taped HOURS and HOURS of Dr. Who, Star Trek, AND most importantly, Space:1999, which I had (badly) remembered with fondness from my childhood. I can recall the incident clearly: at 3 in the morning, after watching episode after episode of "Space Brain" and "Black Sun" and "Dragon's Domain", turning to my friend, who was reading on the couch, and saying: "THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY F#CKING SENSE!!" Patrick

Hahahaha! Yeah, but if you're going to accept that a nuclear explosion would hurl the moon light years from earth, its no big leap to imagine the axe in the cupboard. But now that ya mention it, it really doesn't make any freaking sense at all!