The Infernal Mailbag
Just read the review of that mega-budget masterpiece
"Breeders." At one point the reviewer says of the director, Tim Kincaid,
something like "If you want to direct pornos, go out and direct pornos." Well,
Tim Kincaid actually did direct pornos. Under the name Joe Gage, he directed
quite a few gay pornos in the '60s and '70s (which might explain the one line
in the movie where the woman tells the cops her brother couldn't be a suspect
because he's gay. That's about as plausible as anything else in that turdpile).
BTW, Kincaid made a movie in the mid '80s, I believe, called "She's Back,"
shot in New York with none other than Carrie Fisher! I caught it on cable late
one night and wondered, "What the hell is she doing in a Tim Kincaid movie?
She couldn't POSSIBLY be that hard up for money." Had the usual Kincaid
touches: incoherent, shoddy, incoherent, rambling, incoherent, stupid, etc.
Read an interview with her a few years later and she said that at the time she
was making the movie, she was so loaded on cocaine she barely remembered being
in New York, let alone making the movie. I've always wondered if that meant
she did the movie because she had a cocaine problem, or she had a cocaine
problem because she did the movie. Either could apply . . .
Well, I know I had a hangover problem after
watching the flick! It took a full six pack to wash its foulness from my lips!
Thanks for the info, bro!
FROM: Jay Woelfel RE: Iron Thunder
Hey, I'm Jay Woelfe the director of a film you, uh, reviewed on your site.
Sorry you hated it so much, but coverage is better than none and your frame
grabs are nice.
Um, thanks.
Everyone's entitled to love or hate any movie, though it's not cool of you to
bag on someone for liking a movie that you hated since everyone's opinion is
just that.
You're right. Though, in all honesty I run the
Inferno just for fun. I'm not a professional critic and I don't get paid for
it. I may have been rash in what I wrote, but military movies are a pet peeve
of mine....especially since as a recruiter now I have to deal with incorrect
perceptions that people get from movies.
I've got other movies out there like Unseen Evil and the upcoming Trancers 6
if you see those I hope you like them better than Iron Thunder.
I look forward to seeing them. I've actually never
seen a full Trancers film. Unseen Evil sounds interesting.
However....
There is no stock footage in Iron Thunder. It was all shot for the film. If
you doubt me then feel free to find the other movies where this footage came
from, you won't because there isn't any.
I stand corrected.
There are "stock" explosions during the opening credit sequence, and on one
shot of the Helicopter blowing up, other than that there are no superimposed
explosions anywhere involving the tanks. It was all done either full scale or
in miniature.
I'll delete the line about stock footage when I next
update. If I'm wrong I don't have any problem admitting it.
As to the uniforms when we shot it I wondered if anyone would complain that
different people wore different underwear, you are the first to do so. The
costume guy was an army brat so I had to trust him, I'm an army brat too and
some of the patches etc come from our fathers.
Well, this is my big pet peeve. An easily obtainable
booklet called
670-1 that details the wear and uses of army
uniforms and insignia. I believe I even posted a link to it on the page.
(Oops...actually the link is on the
Rangers
review.) I understand that many people don't know the difference
between an army uniform and a marine uniform.(I've had people ask me if I'm in
the navy....brrrr) Personally I don't care what kind of underwear a person
wears but I do care about uniforms. I work hard to deserve mine as do all of
my brothers and sisters in arms. If I rag on a movie for misusing a military
uniform....well, that's just really too bad.
The whole program is supposed to being run under any official radar, and yes
Ashton and Theroux are supposed to be privates drafted into the program
because they show promise--not experience. And yes if they are using them they
are scaping the bottom of the barrel.
Ok. But that wasn't explained in the movie. And they
sure didn't show promise with their lack of discipline. I've had extremely
poor soldiers work for me that were better than those two. By the way, how can
they show promise and at the bottom of the barrel?
And yes those desert militia men are supposed to be bumbling idiots. Finally
Albright does speak with an accent, but so does Mel Gibson who is actually
American so no reason she couldn't or wouldn't. Idea is she's an army brat
few up overseas picked up an accent or had a foreign mother. She's also
wearing a patch on her uniform --no doubt a bogus one- which lists a
special London division patch for the really sharp eyed. On that incorrect
hat she's got captains bars, though through the rest of the movie she's
wearing a helmet and you don't see them. Oh and I'll admit she runs way to
slow away from that Tank early on--production circumstances screwed me out of
shooting the scene correctly.
I'll admit I was nitpicking with the accent.
Actually, I think her accent was kind of hot. I really just wanted to know why
she had one. As for the running away....well, it was kind of goofy looking. I
understand your reasons for why it looked that way, but to a person watching
the movie it looked like she wasn't even trying to get away.
So my moral is, for as much as you find, you'll always miss just as much.
Maybe. But you shouldn't take my , uh, review so
seriously. As I said I do this for fun....mostly my own. I've been fortunate
to have developed a small internet audience in the past two years.
Sorry you didn't like the movie, I'll try hard next time.
Well, I can't say I liked the movie, but I do
appreciate your letter. And make no mistake...I know that making a movie is no
easy task and I respect you for your accomplishment. I'll keep an eye out for
the other movies you mentioned. Good luck to you.
FROM: Doug Frye RE: Truck Turner and Yaphet Kotto
Hey Dante,
In your "Truck Turner" review, you mention Kotto's past roles. He was also the
main villain in the James Bond lick "Live and Let Die." Incidentally, I saw him
at a comic book convention a couple of years ago selling autographs pictures of
himself. Kind of sad, really, especially when you look at the long list of
projects he's done at imdb.com. This guys been in everything!
-Doug
This was the beginning of a round of emails between Doug and I. I replied:
Why was it sad? Mr. Kotto has been in a
lot of movies so he's had a relatively successful career and he had a starring
role in Homicide. Did he seem sad? I understand what you mean, though, I'm just
trying to understand the context. Perhaps he enjoys being around fans....then
again it could be that he needed the money. Doug then replied:
Sorry I wasn't clear. Yeah, he seemed to just need the money. I thought he just
wasn't working until I saw his imdb profile. Plus, no one really talked to him.
I don't think that many people there knew who he was. That's what was sad. For
an even sadder story, I saw the guy who played Enos from the Dukes of Hazard at
another show in full costume. You'd want to cry
watching that.
Man, that is sad! (the Enos guy most of all. Truth to be told I never really watched Dukes of Hazzard, but I do remember that Enos had a short-lived spin-off show) When did this happen? Before after or during the TV run of Homicide? And when did you see the Enos guy? His show must have been off the air for over 20 years now!
I saw Enos about four years ago in a church basement on the Upper West Side of NYC, and Yaphet Kotto two years ago in Madison Square Garden. Kevin Smith was also at the show I saw Enos at, but while Smith was giving a seminar or something, Enos was just dressed like a deputy and waving.
This my friends is the stuff nightmare are made of. To be honest if Doug had never mentioned it I would have completely forgotten Enos ever existed. apparently just like the rest of the world!
FROM: SBDWestpac@aol.com RE: Laserblast
Read your review of Laserblast. That was one of the best MST3Ks
ever. I can't imagine watching that turgid mess without Mike and the 'bots. I
can only imagine your pain there. That was MST3K's swan song on Comedy Central
and pulled out all the stops. If you can get their version on video, rent it!
Actually, it is kind of difficult for
me to watch movies like laserblast. It's boring and the only thing that helps
my attention is its sheer awfulness. That and my amazement that somewhere,
someone thought that Laserblast would be a good movie.
FROM: Rick Wolf RE: The Inferno
I was doing some researching of information for an upcoming
review for "Hard to Die" in the "Slumber Party/Sorority House Massacre" Series
and found your page. Nice stuff you got, very in-depth and you're right, Robyn
Harris is hot! Hope you and your visitors can visit my page and read my
"Obscure Horror Film Reviews."
http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Parliament/2973/index.html
thanks and keep up the good work!
WS
Thanks Rick! Anyone who has such awe of Ms. Harris' *ahem* attributes is a stand up guy!
FROM: Gary RE: Jim Wynorski
This
movie was directed by
Jim Wynorski aka Jay Andrews and is famous for stealing footage from other
movies. He directed Gale Force and in that he stole footage from Last Action
Hero (car chase) and Predator (scene where the army people drop onto the
island), so it probably did steal footage from Navy Seals.
He also directed:
Gale Force
Raptor (2001) (V) (as Jay Andrews)
Crash Point Zero (2000) (as Jay Andrews)
aka Extreme limits
Militia (2000) (as Jay Andrews)
Stealth Fighter (1999) (as Jay Andrews)
Final Voyage (1999)
Desert Thunder (1998)
I know you have reviewed some of them, stay away from the rest! He has
directed other movies but these are the ones I have seen. Also check out Shark
Attack 1 and 2 the first one is ok, but the second one is way better if un
original.
Gary
Thanks for the warning, Gary. Of those movies you mentioned they sucked like hell.
Hi,
Billy Hester
Thanks Billy. And its a misconception for people to think the military is for the uneducated. As I said before 7 out of 10 High School seniors I've interviewed can't even pass the screening exam! I stand by what I've said before....you don't have to serve in the military, but if you can't at least be civil to members of the Armed forces don't bother celebrating this Fourth of July. It would only make you a hypocrite.
FROM: Zandor Vorkov RE: The Presidio
My mother was a big Mark Harmon fan at the time this came
out (I cannot remember why), so I actually got to watch this in the theater.
Your review of The Presidio was pretty much dead-on. There was just nothing to
it, really. It was merely another crime movie. Plus, it was one of those "Oh,
yeah, and they solve the murder" deals. The murder, the investigation, and the
mystery were pretty much ignored for some "buddy" stuff between Connery and
Harmon, plus the "romance" between Meg Ryan. The resolution of the murder was
almost an afterthought.
But Connery was pretty good, as usual.
The Presidio wasn't even a good movie! But Connery was good. If another actor had played that role The Presidio would be forgotten completely. I just hope no one else wastes their time on it.
I had my review of "Delta Force One: The Lost Patrol" all ready to be released this upcoming Thursday night, and what do I discover???? You beat me to it! Argh!
Well, I never would try to upstage Greywizard, the mighty host of the Unknown movies. But Great Minds think alike, and if I can at least be counted as half as brilliant as my Canadian Friend I'm honored. Check out the Unknown Movies! Its Dynamite!
Read your recruiting rant. Good sales pitch.
I never meant that a person without military experience could get the job, but this kid I spoke too was living a pipe dream. If you have no experience in anything at all, how can you expect to get a job like that fresh out of high school? I might add that if this id had any real guts he would have said he wasn't interested. Its a common thing that a lot of kids will tell me incredible lies when all they really have to do is tell me the truth. I maintain my opinion.