Pumpkinhead
THE STORY: One thing about the monster in this movie, Pumpkinhead- when he does arrive he doesn't screw around. He starts killin' folks almost immediately.
A group of young people (of course) on a trip to a mountain cabin accidentally cause the death of a little hick kid. Well, the group of young people aren't really responsible...its the one guy, Joel, the group's official BDJ ( Big Dumb Jerk- more on this later) that is at fault. The boy's father, Ed Harley (Lance Henriksen, star of Aliens, Near Dark, Stone Cold and the TV show Millenium) gets the local witch woman on the mountain to summon Pumpkinhead, a demon that avenges people who have been wronged. Pumpkinhead makes short work of the "city-folk". When only two of them are left alive, Chris and Tracy, Harley begins to feel remorse. He tries to stop Pumpkinhead from killing them but discovers the only way to do that is to kill himself and break the spell. He sacrifices himself just in time.
Now, once Harley is dead Pumpkinhead bursts into flames and presumably is turned into ashes. The old witch woman is seen burying a body, which I assume is Harley, at the end. But what the heck do Chris and Tracy tell people when the return home? How do you explain the deaths of your friends? "Well, Joel accidentally killed this kid and his father sicced a demon on us that killed everyone but us. Really, officer!" Just a question.
BEST LINES: "Nah, he's just a jerk-jerk"- Tracy when Chris says Joel is a talented jerk.
"He already has!"-The old witch when Harley says 'God damn you!'.
"Its a thing! I don't know!...ITS A THING!!"-Joel trying to describe Pumpkinhead.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) Ok, I went through this in Humongous. Joel is an asshole. He's the movies Big Dumb Jerk. Every bad thing that happens to our young heroes is really Joel's fault. How does a guy that is so incredibly selfish, so morally twisted, so unpleasant to be around, have any friends? I've known guys that were pricks like Joel and I stayed away from them because they're trouble. Every time one of the characters got killed I kept thinking "Man, this is all Joel's fault!" When Joel finally buys it you won't feel anything but a slight surge of joy.
2.) After Joel causes the hick kid's death he pretty much imprisons his friends in the cabin. He's on probation and he was drinking at the time of the accident, so he's too scared to call the police, even though at this point the boy he hit is still alive and may have been saved. Great. So whats Joel's master-plan? His only options are to kill his friends or face the music. He has to let them out sometime. Dumbass. If I was one of his friends I'd make sure the judge threw the book at him.
3.) Why the hell is Tracy chasing after Pumpkinhead when the demon is dragging Maggie away? Who does she think she is, The Black Scorpion? What's she going to do about it?
4.) There are a lot of [unwrite]ing hillbillies living around this cabin...I'm not sure I'd vacation there. I know there probably are dumbass hicks in real life like the ones in this movie...thats scarier than the monster, actually. Like Deliverance. God, don't these people take baths? Ugh. I'm not too worried about saying that since the chance of one of the stupid hillbilly [unwrite]s reading this is nearly impossible. First they'd have to learn how to read and second they'd have to work one of these newfangled Kum-pootin' machines.*
NUDITY AND SEX: None, but the hick kid, Bud shares a room with his buxom sister! Think about that....UGH!
HUH?: When Ed Harley finds his injured son he takes him back to their [unwrite]ed-up-ass house and the kid dies. Aren't there any police or doctors or anything around these here parts? By moving him Harley probably helped kill him.
Why didn't Pumpkinhead kill Chris? Everyone else dies almost seconds after Pumpkinhead gets them. Chris just gets the snot kicked out of him.
THE TALLY: For a late eighties monster flick where teenagers get mutilated this was pretty good. There are no suprises here, the plot goes along in the predictable way that you expect, but its not painful to watch. Unfortunately theres not too much joke fodder either. (Unless you want to make the obligatory dumb hick crack every so often) For not really being a crappy flick I have to give it four devil heads, but since its low on joke material and very predictable I'm taking one back. Three devil heads.
*Before some some guy from the Ozarks starts hounding me about the hillbilly remarks, I'm JUST KIDDING! Its a joke, as in, for fun. Thats the problem with this PC corner we've painted ourselves into these days....people are too sensitive!