Welcome to the Inferno-Dome! Here movies in Dreaded Depths that are too similar, too unyielding, duke it out for supremacy. Whether they have similar themes or one is a remake or "redefining" of the other, they must fight to see who is worthy of the Infernal Championship! Sitting in judgment of this bout, my Terrible Trio, 'Stache, Banshee and Jet Jaguar. There will be no arguing with the judges...their decision is final.
The Bell rings and our two fighters step forward. The Amityville Horror vs the remake The Amityville Horror (2005)
STACHE (Arch-Duchess of the Inferno): Okay. lets get down to brass tacks, amigos.....does anyone feel that Amityville Horror 2005 is as good or better than the original 1979 version?
BANSHEE (Commander of the Infernal Legions): Well, it did have better special effects....kind of. The flies attacking the priest looked kinda fake.
JET JAGUAR (Defender of All That is Cool) : Special effects, schmecial effects....who cares about that? The thing that counts is whether or not any effects were used properly in the context of the story. Its all well and good if the look neat, but you can't shine a turd, Banshee.
STACHE: I have to agree with Jet Jaguar....will miracles never cease? The 2005 version lacked the creepiness of the first movie. We all knew the house was haunted, but the 2005 version jumped into the haunting bits so fgast that i didn't feel anything for the characters. Notthat Margot Kidder and James Brolin lit the screen on fire in '79, but at least I wasn't so aware that i was watching a movie with that version....
BANSHEE: Well, if you want to talk characters, I found the 2005 characters not very compelling.....and theres no way I'm buying that these events took place in 1973....they just don't have a 70's look to them. I half expected one of the kids to have an iPod for Pete's sake!
JET JAGUAR: Add to the mix, that the 1979 version at least followed the events in the book somewhat....whether any of that is true or not. The 2005 version claims to be based on "THE TRUE STORY" but I'm certain we can all agree that none of that stuff took place. I don't like being misled, my compadres, it ain't cool....
STACHE: Well said, my ebon faced friend....Since it seems we all agree that the 1979 original film is a better choice, i think we just have to rule on how much it wins by? Is it a TKO or not?
BANSHEE: There ain't nothin' technical about this knockout, milady....The 1979 version knocks the block off of this upstart....just like the Rock 'em-Sock 'em Robots.
JET JAGUAR: Now YOU'RE gettin' all 70's on us, Banshee. But you're right. The winner is the 1979 version of Amityville Horror. Madame Chair-feline, the judgment is in. I guess we'll have to prepare for the next match....weren't we supposed to watch Planet of the Apes?
Thus, the 1979 version sweeps up the floor with the 2005 version of Amityville Horror. Be with our 3 judges next time after we cleared the blood and entrails from the ring!